The internal aura and energy audit

Ever since Balaji, the Pranic Healing teacher taught me aura and energy scanning, I have became conscious of positive and negative of energies as to how and what kind of energies are emitted by places and persons. How we ourselves emit and transmit the negative energies more forcefully, successfully; how our positive energies are more often than not vulnerable to slightest provocation and we tend to fall prey to the negativity and assert in rude, demeaning, violent manner.

From childhood we are made to understand and learn what is bad and what is not good or good. Throughout, life teaches through hard Time sometimes,sometimes gently through others' perspective, experiences, satsang, sumiran ‎how we can better ourselves, nurture positivity, create goodwill et al. But the negative emotions like anger, irritation, cribbing, judging are like ever ready satanic forces to take command over us and rule us. When the 'spell' is over, we repent, feel small and sorry, regret but often, it is too late to mend and the damage is done. Anything which we do not like, fancy irks us and thats the turning point. 

Our physical being bears direct impact of positive or negative energies and accordingly our aura, too.‎ Just imagine or visualise how we look when we are angry or else happy, at peace -the difference is conspicuously clear and visible. In the same manner we feel good, energetic, high spirited when positive and juxtaposed to it, feel tired, fatigued, lost, zero, withdrawn, exhausted when faced with negativity.

Understandably, it is not always a matter of choice. We do tend to become football of others' opinions, doings, behaviour, demeanour. The realisation of this 'weakness' to let ourselves go the way we are led adds to our misery. At the same time, it is difficult and very challenging to be 'in command' always, all the time, in come-what-may circumstances!

There are no thumb rules but yes, trigger points need to be watched with care and concern when faced with negativity. We cannot and should not 'wear the faces to meet the faces that we meet' but ‎giving ourselves a moment to pause and ponder may save us from anger and irritability which are always at our beck and call.

The responsibility of internal audit of our own aura and energies is solely ours. Others can only judge us and carry the impressions we create before them till whenever.‎ At the end of the day, the aura we emit faces us and makes us squirm with discomfiture if we have been negatively inclined during the day or else pleases us,pats us with 'shabaash', makes us smile and rejuvenates us with store of accumulated  positive energies for a tomorrow which in either case is going to be better, full of energy as long as there is sun in the sky.

SHRAADH

The months of transitional weather are a bit difficult. There is something in the air we breathe that  unsettles. On one hand the mornings are more fresh,less sweaty, provoking and inviting to revel in walk or workouts. On the other, the feel of 'pitr paksh' slows down, emits low energy. 

'Shraadh'- the very word connects one fondly to the dear departed and naturally brings forth the hordes of memories which make one acutely conscious of the 'disconnect' in flesh and body and hence emanates sadness, melancholy‎. The exhortations for  pilgrimage, performing rituals, jap , yagna , daan or visit to the places of worship or satsang / katha during this period  make sense if viewed from perspective of creating a 'connect' with what is beyond us beside providing requisite healing to the undefinable malaise. 

Despite the low-dom, the days are precious being exclusively meant for purgation and catharsis through remembrance, offering of  Brahman bhoj, tarpan and other rituals which we do not even think of in normal parlance. Its natural to feel the conspicuous presence in absence of the noble souls who have been our parents, kin and now are in category of pitr or ancestors. I have little knowledge of importance of all the rituals attached with 'shraadh' but what I very vividly remember is that even in the days of penury, the halwa and kheer were prepared in big quantity and offered to whomsoever we could as it meant offering it to ancestors. I feel its very important to pass this tradition on to the young as did our parents. There is so much of healing in feeling gratitude as a child, a member of the clan. It is difficult to recall the names of great grand father/mother because we hardly ever make efforts to know about them but atleast 'we are made to' remember them exclusively during this period alone! 

Somewhere we can feel their 'ancient, glittering eyes' blessing us from the skies above and never mind the lump in the throat as thats human, thats what being alive means as a cog in the chain of generations. 

Three Four- Thirty Four

In the wee hours of 28th August, 2016  I realised that I have completed thirty four years of my career.

 On 28th August,1982 I had joined as Lecturer in English‎ in F.C. College, Hisar. The day was so exquisite, a dream come true, the dream of entering a noble profession that my father had always aspired for ; the dream of making my ends meet on my own, the dream of teaching literature‎ to students. Getting an opportunity to work is a blessing and I have always felt grateful to Almighty to endow me with the ability to walk on the track of serving while earning for my own well being. 

A year before that I had lost Pitaji but when I joined I could see his beaming eyes saying: 'mera chhewan puttar wee kamau puttar ho gaya'.

For seven long years I taught with zeal and enthusiasm. It was an era more of learning‎ through trial and error; learning as an individual  with responsibility of mentoring the  adolescents; learning as an amateur amidst experienced, grown up colleagues; learning as a woman with passion for doing things that could make the difference for the better in the surroundings she lived in. And it was great spell spread over seven years that I would always treasure with affection and nostalgia.

when I joined the Civil Services (allied) and became the maiden 'woman‎ bdpo', I suddenly realised that a safe, secure world of a college for women had been left behind.  I was initially made to feel that it wasn't the right decision but my family and friends/mentors hugely supported me. It was like entering a world where you are constantly 'watched'; a world where every inch of the ground beneath your feet has to be carved afresh. 

Getting into Haryana Civil Services (executive) was again a dream realised with His Grace. The challenges as a woman have continued but I have persisted on trying to do things sincerely, diligently, carefully and to say the least, with enthusiasm and positivity. My teacher's exhortation to follow the thumb rule :'To thine own self be true..'* has always stood by me  in good stead besides the Rotary Four way test.**

I used to feel sometimes that 'its a challenge' and I would roll up my sleeves  to put the best foot forward. Every kind of opportunity has made me feel 'now is the time..'. It has been a struggle at times to prove myself as a woman, as an individal with a purpose, as an Indian, as a  daughter of pitaji and ma- the patriots to the core.

 I must confess that the divine powers have always been kind (touch wood!) and enabled me go on despite all odds and hindrances paving way for better opportunities keeping intact the resilience and the zeal. Thank you, God.‎

With five and half decades on back, life has brought forth, gifted the superlative opportunity. I feel humbled and grateful. The days remaining may be countable but every day has 24 hours and the minutes and seconds are precious, valuable , worthy to be dedicated to my country and to the service of the country men.

*This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

William Shakespeare

(Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82)

• **Is it the truth?
• Is it fair to all concerned?
• Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
• Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

The Pehowa Feeling

Eleven years ago, ‎I got an opportunity to serve as SDM Pehowa, a small sub divisional town of Kurukshetra district with population of 33500 only (2001 census). The city is famous as pilgrimage consisting Prithudak Tirth where people from far and wide come to perform the last rites of their dear departed. The place is known for Saraswati river which runs East wards from here (Poorv vahini). 

The very first site that I visited after joining‎ was the Saraswati channel from the siphon side near Guhla road where the JCB had started digging the 5100 feet long channel flowing in through the town. It was strange feeling, very different, very difficult to define but every bit positive. The Pehowa Saraswati Project was mammoth task which had been started and abandoned umpteen times as it was not a government project with any provision of funds. Besides, there was challenge of huge encroachments and flow of sewerage into the Holy channel. But it was the dream and aspiration all the residents of Pehowa that the work related to saraswati mayya should be done expeditiously, essentially, on priority basis. The well meaning representatives sharing this sacred mission exhorted me to take up this project  start the work (with zero balance!) and that mayya would take care of the everything!

‎I breathed then, for the first time, the Pehowa feeling! 

The project with estimated cost of Rs.  two crores‎ and estimated time of two years started with this exclusive Pehowa feeling. 

Pehowa is perfect symbol of ‎ religious and caste harmony with everyone joining in all religious 'prabhat feris' with equal fervor and enthusiasm. The tirth, too is visited by all people transcending the community and caste boundaries. Every section of the Pehowa society endorsed the project with unanimity and enthusiasm.

On the banks of Saraswati near Prachi tirth, in the scorching heat of June, Swami Gianand ji addressed the sangat exhorting them to contribute their mite in this gigantic task and at the end of the satsang handed over the offerings ('chadhaava') to me; the chief Granthi of Gurudwara Bohli sahib, the mahant of Sri Sangmeshwar Mahadev Mandir, Arunai, Baba Man Singh of Dera Sant Ishwar Singh , the Brahmin tirthodhhar sabha, the Mahants of all Akhadas and Deras that Pehowa is famous for came forward to support the cause. All the big and small social and trade associations enthusiastically participated. The individuals came forward to construct ghats, erect tubewells in memory of their ancestors. A renowned philanthropist of the area Shri Kailash bhagat ji single handedly contributed hugely for the project as it was his mission that mayya's work must be done come what may!

One fine day an old man in tatters came asking for SDM and handed tens of polythene packed remnants of langars' contributions for the peer as his mite for the mayya's  project‎. The amount he donated thus was worth a fortune and symbolic of the Pehowa feeling! 

The result was completion of the project at the cost of Rs one crore twenty five lacs in record nine months with public contribution of over seventy lacs besides the funds received from the discretionary funds of the then Ministers and the MP. The works included the concreting of both the sides after clearing of the whole length and breadth of the channel. The encroachers had voluntarily removed their unauthorized seize. No force ever had to be used for doing the needful. Thereafter, construction of the pavements, railings, pedestrian over bridges on the channel and installation of the street lights and sound system was completed. The channel started feeding the Prithudak tirth with fresh flow of water.  The sewerage had been laid to stop the flow of polluting water into the channel. In the evening, hordes of women and men could be seen enjoying walk on the pavements.

Once complete, the students, girl guides, scouts, teachers ‎painted the railings with police and administrative officials. 

The work initiated by a few people‎ became a movement and generated an electric aura. 

It has been over a decade but the Pehowa feeling kindles the ‎fire of immense positive energy.  It casts a magical spell of motivation. I feel determined to get up and go, achieve the impossible, tread the paths untrodden.  And when the going gets tough, the burthen of what-seems-difficult or almost-impossible, I turn to the Pehowa feeling, visit the place and the warmth and hospitality, the ever-readiness of Pehowians to join hands in whatever I propose to do makes the marching on easeful, rejuvenates me, blesses me with the aura of positivity and enthusiasm and I feel there is no room for despondency or desolation, hopelessness or dejection and the only way is the way forward and that my task is marching on!

 Thanks to all the people of Pehowa‎ who imbibe and exude the Pehowa feeling!

A year of 366 days

I am told that I have a knack of remembering dates and occasions-not a  good thing to do as past has acute potential to bring one back to negativity. With God's grace I tend to remember happy dates too- the good times of thrill, joy, romance, togetherness- ofcourse, not with precision of a character dubbed as 'Calender' in a popular Hindi movie.

Before this leap year started, the stress and strain was at its peak. The year before was such that the mantra 'this too would pass'  alone kept me afloat. I was bogged down under the weary weight of workplace inconveniences. The weather of city beautiful, the greenery, the cosy ness of the house I was residing in were the redeeming features for the soul in agony. The mix of good and bad is always happening but its our own ability to cope, overcome the not -so -good which gives way at times. The veil of negativity was lifted at last and I was set afoot a fresh journey exactly a year ago.

On 5th of May last year I joined as Commissioner, Municipal Corporation, Karnal.

‎The year just gone by has been of varied hues. The excitement of a new assignment , the enthusiasm due to this-is-what-I -really- like-to-do, the apprehensions of a new place, the dreams and aspirations of a zealous commitment for the cause of swachhta -all put together, the journey started with great gusto. 

Have travelled for scores of days covering ‎thousands of miles, worked and worked and worked causing irritation to the dear ones who have gradually stoically accepted and let me be. I ate regularly irregularly reinforcing my reputation further as an in disciplined dieter and casual workout doer. The weigh machine bears ample testimony to this point. 

Have been so persistent and consistent in bringing work work work in all leisure hours with family, chats with friends that they have naturally and justifiably felt frustrated and irritated and respite I have provided none.  Workaholic like me are work obsessed and the quantum of patience required to deal(read tolerate) is huge,formidable! 

The year has seen ups and downs and downs and ups ..yet persisting ever I have marched on and on and on. Were it not for some rooting in Srimadbhagwadgita, the possibility of my overcoming the despair and dilemmas, the ‎trial and tribulations would have been bleak.

It's not fair to judge the year from perspective ‎of loss and gain as the investment was in blood, sweat and tears.

 There were moments of being on proverbial cloud nine and on other extremes I felt lost,dejected, hugely weak and finished. But small gesture of love and care saved like the divine interventions and enabled me go on. 

The completion of a degree has enthused‎ but the failure to get place amongst the first and fast track lot of smart cities by less than half a mark  has hit like a thud on the face and butt on the head. 

The mood has seen as many swings as the temperament. It's difficult to gauge whether I am wiser or better, worse or ‎not as bad. This I should not attempt as only the time unfolds what becomes of us in face of forces of devils and grace of angels.

In short, this year of 366 days consists of stories as many.

Gandhiji

Gandhiji
Coming generations would hardly ever believe that such a man existed in real flesh and blood .
                                                                 Albert Einstein

Because seeing is believing, Mr Einstein. The statues and roundabouts,  the institutions and roads, the Museums and Galleries named on the great leader make the visitors reminisce what is past, history, bygone, over.
Those of us-actually the majority of us have not seen him except through the ancient glittering eyes and nostalgic narration by our fathers (if we are born around 60s), our grand fathers if we belong to the era of 1980s born. If we are fortunate young people born after 1990s and blessed to have great grand parents whom we care for enough to listen with receptiveness , pay heed to what the 1940s and pre or post independence meant and brought to them; the literal or the catastrophic change in lives  may give a glimpse of the days of the yore when the frail bodied but with rock like strength of commitment and content of character Gandhi led the freedom struggle and forced the British to go back, freed us from the shackles of slavery.
Living in this our world influenced by extreme individualism, let's pause and ponder what selfish motive did Gandhiji ever have,what individual gain he meant to gain, what treasures he happened to achieve, what personal accolades he aspired for through all the relentless, steadfast efforts, fasting, leading through Satya, Ahimsa and Swadeshi?
I feel and believe that in almost all towns and cities, villages, blocks or districts there are some people who are doing things they don't have to do, regardless of appreciation or recognition they are contributing their mite to make this world a better place to live in, a more clean place to breathe in; there are people who do not have an iota of aspiration or rude questioning like 'what the country has done for me?'  but they are diligently and relentlessly working for a better today and tomorrow in their chosen field of activity with the spirit of ' jodi tore dak shuni keu na aashe tobe ekla chalo,ekla chalo,ekla chalo re' .
In a recently concluded 'Aaj ki Raat Hai Zindagi', the serial facilitated encounters with some of living Gandhis who have been trying hard to make this world a better place to live in contributing in their exquisite kind of way in small and big towns, known and places forlorn, single handedly or as team leaders with indomitable spirit of never say die and ever motivating canon of :we shall overcome some day. The nation salutes all such living Gandhis who are making the difference for the better. So many of us have felt motivated and encouraged by this programme. Is it not just the right time to make a start in any...a n y of the fields of activity-be it sanitation or health and hygiene, contribution in initiatives like adopting a day as car-free or cycling for hobby, motivating ten persons/ families for garbage segregation or beautifying the parks or not aggravating the congestion and helping in managing the traffic, leading the clean the street campaigns or plain participating by not adding to the filth around, imparting health through Yoga classes or learning to remain healthy by following simple tenets, spending an hour a week with specially-abled children or imparting patriotism through songs and theatre?  The list can be as exhaustive as we choose. After all doing something is definitely better than doing nothing at all.
Let's search for a Gandhi in us, shall we?

Pitaji

Pitaji

He was not an ordinary man though he took a lot of pride in being a 'common man'. Yes, everything about him was extra ordinary-his patriotism, his penchant for cleanliness, his regularity for long walks and tennis, his passion for gardening and roses, his open hearted hospitality, his expression of love for his own daughters and for his nephews and nieces and their daughters and sons, his uncompromising love for English language and literature, his boldness to speak and write nothing but the truth without caring for the price it could and did cost, his ability to appreciate and motivate, his positive attitude despite all ordeals that life had laid for him, his firm faith in basic human goodness,  his irritability at sullen faces or sulky demeanour, his inability to accept per se any casual or frivolous remark.

His life, thoughts, working, ideas revolved around his country. His commitment to freedom struggle delayed his marriage. He was 32 years old when he did relent for marriage in 1946. He found an equally patriotic and strong willed partner in my mother Shanta Kataria and both of them decided that they would have an issue only after the freedom of the country became a reality. He could never gulp down a n y t h i n g said against the country and he was fierce and fiery in his words spoken and written against the leaders who seemed to let down the system in words or deeds! His heart bled and he cried after reading about the heinous crime of Billa and Ranga in early 1970s. Any grief or hurt would put him off and we could feel him mutter or murmur and invariably, the catharsis would take place only when he had poured his feelings in a letter to either one of his daughters or to the person who caused such fallout. 

26th January and 15th August were celebrated with great fervour and enthusiasm in our home. The flag was hoisted on the top most roof (shikhar) followed by singing of the national anthem. Thereafter, the servings of home cooked Halwa Kheer or Krishan halwaee's  Laddoos were savoured. 

He called himself an atheist but his faith in Bholenath as ameliorator of all deprivation and suffering remained unshaken. He performed no rituals but loved to perform Hawan. His favourite mantra was the Gaytari mantra and  Jeevem Sharda Shatam. He did not ever object to my Mother's religious bent and inclination. I feel he was true follower of Dharma and all its ten tenets: Dhirti(patience), Kshama (forgiveness), Dhi(benevolent intelllect) , Dhairya, Dham(sef control), Indriynigrah, Shoucha (cleanliness), Astey(non stealing) , Vidya (knowledge), satyaam (truthfulness), Akrodha(non-anger). His anger was sentient anger against anything he found unjust, unholy, and unpatriotic.

Throughout his life he wore only the white Khadi. Unmatched was his taste for neat, white, well ironed white Khadi shirt and payjama dress and white cotton bedsheets. Synthetic dresses were neither common in those days nor actually acceptable for any of the members in our family.

He embodied an exemplary combination of humility and boldness. As a doting father he took a lot of pains to groom all his daughters as leaders and all rounders. He was a perfectionist when it came to pronunciation and accent in delivery of speech. I can never ever forget how he would make us get up at 4 in the morning and over cups of tea make us rehearse speeches that he dictated after a lot of contemplation. He took a lot of pride when we would deliver well regardless of the prizes won. I vividly remember how I had won a Table Tennis match after a long struggle but it was my opponent who was appreciated by him, as she had indeed played better than me.

He was born with flair for writing. His letters written in beautiful handwriting in Hindi or English or neatly manually typed are cherishable treasures for us. His keen and avid reading made his missives so poetic and literary. Sharing through letters was so personal, intense and open. Indeed, it was a strong bond. And he would not relish any laxity in acknowledgment or a reply and in any such an eventuality, a telegram would follow: WIRE WELFARE. No wonder all of us while studying in Panjab University and residing in Hostels were envied for the letters we received. During my two years’ stay in UK, I missed and missed and missed this sacred medium of sharing with him.

He died the way he wished- silently, in healthy state of body. Even an MI a few years before that had not dampened his spirits nor deterred him from following the regular regime of long walks.  It has been thirty-five years that he left us but the legacy of memories is enriching indeed as they exude positivity, enthusiasm for life with inimitable art of living. 

Wish you Happy Republic Day, Pitaji.

Jai Hind