SHRAADH

The months of transitional weather are a bit difficult. There is something in the air we breathe that  unsettles. On one hand the mornings are more fresh,less sweaty, provoking and inviting to revel in walk or workouts. On the other, the feel of 'pitr paksh' slows down, emits low energy. 

'Shraadh'- the very word connects one fondly to the dear departed and naturally brings forth the hordes of memories which make one acutely conscious of the 'disconnect' in flesh and body and hence emanates sadness, melancholy‎. The exhortations for  pilgrimage, performing rituals, jap , yagna , daan or visit to the places of worship or satsang / katha during this period  make sense if viewed from perspective of creating a 'connect' with what is beyond us beside providing requisite healing to the undefinable malaise. 

Despite the low-dom, the days are precious being exclusively meant for purgation and catharsis through remembrance, offering of  Brahman bhoj, tarpan and other rituals which we do not even think of in normal parlance. Its natural to feel the conspicuous presence in absence of the noble souls who have been our parents, kin and now are in category of pitr or ancestors. I have little knowledge of importance of all the rituals attached with 'shraadh' but what I very vividly remember is that even in the days of penury, the halwa and kheer were prepared in big quantity and offered to whomsoever we could as it meant offering it to ancestors. I feel its very important to pass this tradition on to the young as did our parents. There is so much of healing in feeling gratitude as a child, a member of the clan. It is difficult to recall the names of great grand father/mother because we hardly ever make efforts to know about them but atleast 'we are made to' remember them exclusively during this period alone! 

Somewhere we can feel their 'ancient, glittering eyes' blessing us from the skies above and never mind the lump in the throat as thats human, thats what being alive means as a cog in the chain of generations. 

Three Four- Thirty Four

In the wee hours of 28th August, 2016  I realised that I have completed thirty four years of my career.

 On 28th August,1982 I had joined as Lecturer in English‎ in F.C. College, Hisar. The day was so exquisite, a dream come true, the dream of entering a noble profession that my father had always aspired for ; the dream of making my ends meet on my own, the dream of teaching literature‎ to students. Getting an opportunity to work is a blessing and I have always felt grateful to Almighty to endow me with the ability to walk on the track of serving while earning for my own well being. 

A year before that I had lost Pitaji but when I joined I could see his beaming eyes saying: 'mera chhewan puttar wee kamau puttar ho gaya'.

For seven long years I taught with zeal and enthusiasm. It was an era more of learning‎ through trial and error; learning as an individual  with responsibility of mentoring the  adolescents; learning as an amateur amidst experienced, grown up colleagues; learning as a woman with passion for doing things that could make the difference for the better in the surroundings she lived in. And it was great spell spread over seven years that I would always treasure with affection and nostalgia.

when I joined the Civil Services (allied) and became the maiden 'woman‎ bdpo', I suddenly realised that a safe, secure world of a college for women had been left behind.  I was initially made to feel that it wasn't the right decision but my family and friends/mentors hugely supported me. It was like entering a world where you are constantly 'watched'; a world where every inch of the ground beneath your feet has to be carved afresh. 

Getting into Haryana Civil Services (executive) was again a dream realised with His Grace. The challenges as a woman have continued but I have persisted on trying to do things sincerely, diligently, carefully and to say the least, with enthusiasm and positivity. My teacher's exhortation to follow the thumb rule :'To thine own self be true..'* has always stood by me  in good stead besides the Rotary Four way test.**

I used to feel sometimes that 'its a challenge' and I would roll up my sleeves  to put the best foot forward. Every kind of opportunity has made me feel 'now is the time..'. It has been a struggle at times to prove myself as a woman, as an individal with a purpose, as an Indian, as a  daughter of pitaji and ma- the patriots to the core.

 I must confess that the divine powers have always been kind (touch wood!) and enabled me go on despite all odds and hindrances paving way for better opportunities keeping intact the resilience and the zeal. Thank you, God.‎

With five and half decades on back, life has brought forth, gifted the superlative opportunity. I feel humbled and grateful. The days remaining may be countable but every day has 24 hours and the minutes and seconds are precious, valuable , worthy to be dedicated to my country and to the service of the country men.

*This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

William Shakespeare

(Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82)

• **Is it the truth?
• Is it fair to all concerned?
• Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
• Will it be beneficial to all concerned?