24 Golden Hours

There was an aura of sweet mystery about to unfold itself when I found myself at the threshold of 'shashtee poorti' , my completion of sixty years in age! Just three hours prior to the clock striking 12, I had been given a red carpet welcome with aarti and 'teil pooniyan' by my sisters and friends and showering of petals from the roof by Soma, our maid. I was taken aback as it was actually Rashmi's birthday and she had organised this 'event' as precursor to my 60th birthday ! The eyes were moistened reminiscent of my mother who would always shower this 'chaaw' on arrival of special persons to our home! .

Much to my bewilderment, it was not just plain wishing at midnught by family and friends, 'the heart' decked in flowers with lamps around awaited outside my room, the trail of gifts started and wherever I went- to washroom, kitchen, lounge something awaited me duly packed ! Arindam together with my sisters Rashmi and Archana had made a film and the moment Swami Avdheshanandji was seen showering blessings, I broke out as this surprise gift was indeed God sent!!  The choked me cut cake after cake amidst receipt of lovefully scribbled card, wrapped with affection things I was blessed with to adorn. The morning had more surprises in store with the walkway all flower decorated and my small lawn displayed Rashmi's style in sixty hand painted pebbles with endearing and appreciative messages, rangoli in my lobby and even the kettle in kitchen had a ribbon of new pinch!!

A hawan had been organised. Chanting of 'jeevem sharda shatam..' was like witnessing live Pitaji and Ma's blessings being showered with showering of petals. A huge cake had been brought by Bhargavaji as has been almost a decade old tradition being followed by him and cutting of the same wearing cap and amidst claps invariably makes me feel overwhelmed with gratitude to God as some undefinable relations take on themselves to give feel of elder one, mentor. No words are suffice to convey what the heart feels in such moments. 

The breakfast table was birthday special in every kind of way. The rose petals decked plate when I put upside down, i almost cried to see enscribbled on it. 'You are the sunshine..'  Everyone had a seat with mug showing first letter of the name painted thereon. It was very carefully planned organic breakfast with many delicacies. The USP of Nidhi 'mall poore' was an added attraction. 

Guests started pouring in from  Panchkula,  Karnal. Panipat, Kurukshetra consisting friends, colleagues and neighbours. I cut two and zero twenty cakes. A special event had been kept for evening with painter Waseem and Rahul painting impromptu portrait amidst poetry and couplets, screams and hoots of happy birthday. My friend Sweety had got a film made with my college mates and seniors wishing me on this day- a very touching gesture indeed. Her recital of Sharnagati title poem and musical composition by Vikas especially released on this day indeed touched me.

It all seemed dream like happening with such a pace and enthusiasm that I had little time to feel it was real, on ground, happening. The spiritedness of all those who visited to wish me on this special day really awed me, made me feel humble filled with gratitude to Almighty for such blessedness.

It is not meant to pen the detailed roster of events but the most mesmerizing aspect of the day was Archana, Rashmi, Nidhi and Guddu's energy, the love, the depth, the grace, the versatility and above all their generosity for me which was at evident for these golden 24 hours. Its indeed impossible for me to count my blessings and my gifts I received on completion of 60 years of age!! 

Thanks Munna, Shishu, Gik, Guddu and Surjit's family. Vimalaji (who made it to be with me despite all blocks and constraints albeit for a short duration only) special thanks. Thanks innumerable to all as were their gestures of your  love and care. 

If I ever am asked to keep apart a day or time as the most memorable and cherishable, I would name the 24 hours of my sixtieth birthday as golden hours.

Ho'oponopono - The Hawaiian Prayer

Ever thought what's the hardest phrase to say??  Any guesses??

'I love you' ?

'Thank you' ?

'I am sorry'?

'Please forgive me' ??

I think the most difficult to say are the last two of sentences which mean the same thing-sorry.

Ever thought if this becomes a second nature then what would happen?

Actually, I have hardly ever felt much difficulty is saying sorry or seek forgiveness but something strange happened to me a few months ago. On my birthday an old student of mine  Anupama called and said she wanted to gift me something on phone and she sent me the Hawaiian prayer called Ho'oponopono consisting four sentences:

I am sorry.

Pease forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you/pray for you/bless you.

The people there use it for family bonding, resolving of relationship issues and bringing about harmony and peace. When I delved deep into it, saw many videos on YouTube,  read on Google,  I found it strange asto how could one say or feel sorry even to the person who has hurt you, bruised your psyche, caused you tears and pain with words or deeds!! How could one 'feel' and then have the courage also to say this prayer to the perpetrator of suffering on you!! But I wanted to give it a try and thought of the person against whom I had the maximum resentment and anger that everytime I would feel about him/her, my teeth would clench, fingers double into palm and my fist would visualise hitting that person fiercely . I had made up my mind to let go, free myself of this negativity so I used this prayer for that individual silently, feeling the urgency to express sorry, seek forgiveness,  thank him/her sincerely as I had got my lessons and then say: I pray for you and bless you. In matter of no time such peace descended on me that I felt washed off from inside and truly grateful for everything. Since then I have tried it umpteen number of times and felt the same calm, repose and return to sanity with all gratitude. The impact has been manifold. It has improved the aura of that person, I no more feel any resentment and its always the prayer spontaneously overflowing on thought of that individual.

If its the hardest thing to utter with feeling this prayer then I would also like to emphasize its also the most essential and emergent necessity to use this prayer to get peace, love and harmony. What transpires inside us through this prayer is so immensely elevating and evolving feel-truly indescribable.  Recently I finished a book titled The Zero Limit by Joe Vitale who has explained the Ho'oponopono in detailed manner that it can be a game changer indeed. More I shall share on The Zero Limit when I succeed in assimilating the spirit of the book. In the meantime, I would suggest you listen to this sacred prayer and try it atleast once ..who knows you might feel as enriched  as I do.

https://youtu.be/7Qoq75-DQm4

https://youtu.be/mJLSkopnxj0

Shraadh-Homage To Our Dear Departed

I can recall vividly how the month of September used to feel when the sun shone more fiercely than ever before and the humid heat in the waning summer days beckoning the change in weather wore the solemn aura. I didn't really know the substance then but the pitri paksh ie shraadh days would witness our father,  a staunch Arya samaji wear the white sacred thread (janeu) perform the rituals of tarpan with all reverence as guided by the Panditji and he would climb the brick stairs to feed the crows which were like messengers from the pitr lok accepting food on their behalf. He would ask Panditji whether his father and mother 

whom he had lost when he was very young, would receive the food and he was assured in the affirmative by Panditji. We lost him during month of September only and I used to wonder who would now do what he used to with such reverence!! 

Till my mother was alive she would never impose anything on us but we gradually assimilated this reverence for the ancestors and helped in whatever way we could to religiously perform the shraadh. It was like sudden feel of having grown up when we lost our mother and shraadh have become the days to connect to her and Pitaji and our deceased sisters and grand parents ever since. 

Shraadh period is not just for performing the rituals as per Hindu dharma but its the period to root us, enable us stay grounded, stay connected with the dear departed that were and continue to be part of us and our lives. They say it's the period to pay homage and gratitude to our ancestors and through charity and Brahman bhoj, pay the pitri run, the debt we owe to our ancestors for what we are and how they enabled us become what we are. 

The duration of sixteen days of pitri paksh 2020 which ends today with the new moon (amavasya) and on this day sarv pitri shraadh is performed ie to all our maternal, paternal ancestors and the ones who adorned our lives with their presence and affection-including even those whose names we might not know or remember. 

Gone are the days when performing the last rites or pind daan was the sole prerogative of the sons. We, the daughters so it as religiously and respectfully the requisite with sincere hope that our love and rverence reaches them  whom we no more can see. 

This year shraadh were different as even the Panditji expected only dry ration and no halwa,kheer and food due to Corona. 

It felt good that today Panditji accepted regular food and performed the rituals for all ancestors. Actually shraadh are not to be connected with any apprehension if- I- don't- then-what etc. The duration is meant to sincerely thank our revered family members who are no more there with us and seek their blessings for our well being. It is believed that they do descend during these days to this our lok and make their presence felt in our dreams or whatever. I feel they are always blessing us, seeing us from above or wherever they are and that it's expected of us only during this period (atleast) to remember them respectfully and pay our tribute to them.

Sometimes I wonder whether the coming generations would have faith in the pious tithis  and religious rituals. But this apprehension must have been felt by our ancestors too. The world goes on, Time does not stop, the ways and means may change to pay respect but the loved ones would continue to be connected through the chords of heart and memory. The crows have literally gone extinct like pigeon and sparrow families. But the connection is alive and more intense during these special days of pitri paksh. 

The Day of Gratitude

 5th September, the Teachers' Day has always been a sacred and special day of gratitude for parents who were the first teachers; the teachers who enabled us be, become and do whatever we can as citizens of this great country; friends and mentors whose support and unconditional love have made possible our evolvement as individuals. 

Today,  since wee hours of morning I lay awake in mood solemn and pensive as the day also happened to be Pitaji's shraadh. The excruciating pain due to tooth ailment was hindering clear thinking to be able to express all the feelings and thoughts that mind was swarmed with. Messages from those who had been my students over three decades ago made the heart echo exquisite hum hum.  Did I want to share my thoughts? Did I just want to let the day pass and wait for myself to be in better state of mind and health to pen something?  Did I want to cry? 

Restlessly I was ruminating and lo! I got the mail containing such a tribute on this special day from my dear friend Maneesha which brought tears of gratitude for her this noble gesture. Sharing the same with you here:

By my Side

Amid the chaos and strife

When it was darker inside

You held my hand

As a beacon of light.

You taught me to live

day by day

To walk 

step by step

When what seemed most difficult 

Was ' the life ahead' 

Hold on to Hope

Keep your Faith.

They are the real asset

You taught.

You smiled with me

In my joys small and big ,

Each day is a festival

Whenever we meet.

All my special days

You treat as your own,

To celebrate together 

You are always home.

Our house is your handiwork 

Bears imprint of your style

The best you come across

Is its next pride.

You taught me Caring

You taught me Sharing 

You taught me what it actually means

To be a Family.

You are with me

In my moments of prayer 

You connect me to Him

As a gentle reminder .

By blessing me with

The Miracle of Reiki

You opened for me

The world of Healing.

Your gifted crystals 

Protect me lovingly

With niyam of Dhyan

You have woven

An aura of positivity.

You taught me to be Thankful 

By counting my blessings

And to serve everyone 

Through prayers and healing.

Thoughts and feelings

Are abstract

But can be carved, given a voice

By moulding them in to words.

We can see the invisible 

Go beyond life

Bring here the heaven 

Just with the magic of pen--

You showed.

I have this knack

I too can fly

With the wings of Lekhan

Into the world of Creativity.

You believed

You made this happen.

If there is a teacher

Bigger than Life

Then it is Love

who changes us for better

With its soft strides.

Refined and reformed

I stand firm and strong

Also humble and kindly

Touched by your Love exclusif.

'Love is an infinity

Never an edition limited

It can rise and thrive

Even when at its nadir '

You taught me.

You have been a Teacher,

a Creator

You taught me through Faith 

and Love unconditional 

Never by instructions 

But by being there

As a Constant Companion.

With a bowed head

And a heart full of honour

I say my thanks

To you, my beloved friend.

Thanks, Maneesha for such kind and graciously affectionate expression which brought out the tears I had been able to hold with such an effort during the day. I wish I had the ability to express as lucidly my thankfulness to all who have taught me literally and virtually during all these years of my life. Thank you, God and Time whose benevolence has made me learn even the hardest of lessons amidst ample protection and care and intense feel of pure grace and blessedness.

God's Grace Abundant

 

Do we feel it when we wake up in the morning and find ourselves alive, healthy, opening our eyes to see the new dawn, feel the fragrant freshness , breathe the air that belongs to us, inhale it deeply to start a new day?

Don't we feel it when our child gives us that exquisite loveful innocent smile wishing us good morning and we sip the hot cup of tea or coffee as a treat of a new day, touch feet of the parents if fortunately they are there to make us feel blessed. Do we really feel this during the day when we are able to eat healthy food, have a nap, drink the pure water, listen to the music, or the tune of our own heartbeat ?

Perhaps we are unable to feel it when the going gets a bit tough, when we do our best and get snubbed, cook the choicest dish and go unappreciated, encounter a rough colleague or unjustifiably rude someone whose words and gestures matter, when we have a headache or palpitations due to stress or strain of work, when things just don't seem to go the way we want and desire so intensely.

We are always judging perhaps whether this is what I deserve and that's what I dont deserve atall and also asto why I alone have to be put to tests of patience and why the hell enough is not enough! Sometimes on simple issues we tend to throw the ball to destiny and questioningly we turn to Him whom we find so easily accessible to bear with all our allegations and 'ulahnas' that look, I can take no more so you better take care not to send me this and that suffering or test of time again and again or grief or trauma thats not really my cup of tea to take on per se.

The saner persons saints and gurus we believe in tell us to have patience, accept His Bhaana and move on with sense of surrender and that there is good in everything and just we are not able to fathom it at the nick of the time especially when the tough occasions arise and the unkind times test the best we have.

We all see our greatness flicker at the slightest provocation of pain or hurts, we all struggle to come to terms with situations ans move on leaving a few things behind, carrying a few impressions forward but we move on for sure.

There comes a time for such introspection when we look back. And when we look back- more often than not we end up feeling God's grace in abundance in our riches of health and wisdom , precious treasurable experiences , in evolvement as human beings. This is one such occasion for me to feel gratitude with my head bowed and eyes tearful to thank Him for His gracious kindness to have given me opportunity to work for 38 years that I complete today having started my career as Lecturer in FC College for women, Hisar on this day in 1982. Thank you, God for giving earth beneath my feet to Anabel me stand economically independeny- the grace that givem me an identity as a working woman, an officer thereafter. Its His pure kindness and love for me that even in the dire adversities, I could look up to the hope of a better tomorrow and wait patiently to let the testing times pass. Thank you, everyone my family, friends, mentors. Colleagues who always stood in good stead, cared for me, loved me and supported and never let me feel alone. Your 'saath' is God's grace abundant for me. 

The Tallest and the Shortest Lived

 

She was the tallest amongst us all who lived the shortest- barely 50+ and left us on this day ie 23rd August. Meenakshi di was not an ordinary person, she had a towering personality who led the boys and girls of street no. 7, Abohar (Punjab) and would invariably perform the best in pithoo and other street sports. As a student she was the best athlete, the best NCC cadet, the best orator. As a lecturer , she was the best Economics teacher who drew huge number of students in an otherwise dry subject as she made it immensely interesting being herself so passionate about the subject. She played great role in motivating students for the extra curricular activities like Rangoli, poetry, debates and symposia and the NSS. Her sense of humour made her very popular among her colleagues and students. Hers was a dominating personality who could not be taken for granted or ignored by anyone.

She was the only daughter who matched my father's intelligence in dictating us speeches to be delivered when we were students. It was like a competition between an old guard and mentor and a fire brand young blood as the tone and tenor differed. Needless to say, she was as much a hit when it came to bagging prizes in competitions by her younger siblings as daughters of our father.

She rose to be an Indian Economic Services(IES) officer that she served till her end. She was able to fulfill her dream of studying from London School of Economics. In fact she was a go getter and whatever she focused on, she was able to achieve because of her diligence, determination, grit and guts. She was an indomitable personality in whom we saw a sea change as a wife and daughter in law and doting mother of two beautiful daughters Megha and Sugandha. It was like a volte-face we witnessed in Meenakshi di. I think this is what all education and culture and sanskaras are about that a person should be able to not only adjust to changing scenarios in life but also be uncomplaining rather be happy in whatever life brings forth.

I vividly remember when she used to run the races as an athlete and by the time she would be about to touch the last leg , her teeth would clench and such dire urgency could be seen writ large on her face to hurry to touch the finishing line and win. Her race was run soon as God willed it.

We miss you a lot, Meenakshi di. 

Pt. Jasraj- the Maestro

 Pandit Jasraj no more- the scroll on the TV News channel moved as it does for any breaking. It hit me like a thud and in an instant, the world of music seemed to have come to a breathing halt and bowed its solemn head in reverence and mourning for the maestro that Pt Jasraj was. The legendary Pt Jasraj and the expanse of his versatile creations spread fragrance in the universe of music for over seven decades. His soulful renderings of pure Ragas, huge variety of musical compositions dedicated to Shiva, Krishna, Shakti, Ganesha besides sufi compositions made him stand apart and as the tallest figure in the Hindustani classical music. Its very natural for the music lovers across the globe feel the vacuum which can never ever be filled.

Since 70s had been listening to him and in those years of adolescence when the taste for music was in its infancy, taking shape the resonance and depth of his voice made me feel something so unique that I was drawn to listen to him. Have had little knowledge of ragas but as a naive listener I used to revel in his aalap and bandishen. In 1992 when I was CEO KDB , he was invited to perform in KU Auditorium. The number of listeners made the heart of organizer in me sink but the audience present was cream of music lovers in Kurukshetra who were like true devotees of music. And when he rendered Nirvana Ashtakam: chidnanad roopa shivoham shivoham, it made me feel how proud the creator of this composition Adi Shankaracharya must be feeling hearing its rendering from a soul immersed in music. After the show my mother who loved his music requested him to visit our home for breakfast. I was a bit uneasy as he might say no and it would hurt Ma but he immediately agreed, came for breakfast and chatted so leisurely and in a relaxed manner as if he was an old known person. It was purely his modesty and humility which we cherish so fondly.

During my stay in UK for two years, a few of his CDs  gifted by Rashmi were my consistent companion and I listened to them repeatedly and wondered how could one singer put his heart and soul in music to this extent. His composition: 'Mero Allah meharbaan..' in raag Bhairavi is a superlative composition , his masterpiece and the way it ends with Om is so mesmerising -beyond words indeed. I really wonder how we live in segments of religions and castes, the magical music of maestro like Pandit Jasraj knew no bounds whatsoever.

'What thou liv'st ,live well/long or short permit to Heaven' (Milton) . He lived not only well but he has left the largesse that music lovers will cherish for the years to come. He enriched the world of vocal music in such a way that coming generations would hardly ever believe that single person could compose so variedly and each composition with such finesse! 

I Am Free

Being free is such a great feel..no bondages, no slavery having freedom to do all that you want to do, all that you want to be, the way you want to grow, the way you want to lead your life. Sounds awesome, isn't it?

We were brought up in the family environment that imbibed in us the zest to enjoy and feel free, a phenomenon rare in normal parlance upbringing of girls in the 1960s. Outdoor activities, sports, participation in debates and symposia provided enabling environment, gave wings to enjoy the feeling the freedom. Getting into teaching after the PG furthered it with financial freedom.

I have always been considered a free bird, fortunate not to have bonded myself in shaadi ka bandhan, having prestigious job assignment , earning handsome pay package and with no responsibility of children or family, can go anywhere I like without having to ask for permission, do whatever I like to do with my freedom!! And also that I am born with penchant for 'free will' and make choices I have loved to make without owing answerability to a n y o n e in the world.

All this is really really true, I confess. I am blessed to feel free, enjoy my independent life and also asserted a lot of free will. At work place I have wanted to do things my kind of way and also succeeded in doing so most of the time under mentorship of benevolent bosses. At home front, have enjoyed all the freedom as a member of the family that has not really interfered in any of my decisions related to my personal life. They have let me be and enjoy life the way I want without any binding whatsoever from their side.

So I have ventured to lead life in pursuit of happiness with full sense of freedom. Aah...it has been such a fine journey full of joy, satisfaction, blessedness ...pure kripa , the gracious grace of Almighty to have given me such fantastic opportunity as His chosen child.

At very personal level there has always been a lurking fear. Its like a journey of a proverbial little girl afraid who often dreamt of drowning and would lay awake watching stars fearing repetition of such dreams till sleep overtook. As an adolescent the fear of rejection was so prominent that blocked my expression and made me hyper susceptible to any painful impression. I learnt swimming, did Scooba diving to prove to myself I was not afraid of water. In the waning years, I am wondering whether the freedom I enjoy is not eclipsed so often by the fear factor. It is. I have not got this- the freedom from fear.

Freedom is precious, comes with a price. Perhaps fear is that price in my case. I am afraid of rejection, of hurting someone, of causing a pain. My fears of hurts and bruises on the psyche have always proven true. The way we grow up, our feelings get nurtured, evolve impact the behavioral actions and patterns. Root cause of fear is only one- attachment. May be its the losing of my freedom that I am afraid of. The tools of jap, paath, healing alternatives provide me with ways and means to protect but have not evaporated the fear.

In this journey called life I am a seeker of freedom from fear. And the search is on.

The Day Special and Precious

On this special day it comes natural to be looking before and after, of friends that have been and friends that are, of learnings and earnings , of solemn memories and pauperdom, of the joys and richness. For sure the years and years that have been lived with and in the most beautiful of all relationships -friendship are the years I  cherish fondly and yes, sometimes nostalgically too.  

A friendship may sprout from a coincidental meeting or in the setting of a class or workplace, a chance happening or a clicking leading to gelling together. The most wonderful of all human relationship is the friendship which denotes a bonding without a binding, detached  attachment. Such a beautiful relationship connotes acceptance per se of an individual by another with a lot of inherent mutual respect as its lubricant, its life force. It does not arrive easily in one's life, its a pure blessing symbolic of His grace and benevolence. They say true friends are hard to find and I think its as hard as searching for good human beings. We meet hundreds and hundreds of people in life but friends are just a handful, a few only that you can count on 'in good times, in bad times knowing they wud always care for you.'

A friend is someone whom you can reach without actually or literally reaching out. Friends are real soul connects who understand without explanations, who need no excuses, who can touch the chords of your being without even being in touch for whatsoever time span.

Only a friend can be what one is and say what must be said without a biting hurtful tone or tenor; only a friend can fathom the deepest recesses of your mind and heart from your silence or words, facial expression or a tone of message, a shifted gaze or a bowed head, a forlorn look or an un-noticeable sigh. Friends don't have to be told, they listen without words and understand, too. They take on themselves the onus no one puts on them. They Are there not for the asking but as a matter ofcourse in times of your sorrow or grief, misfortune or bad stars. They stealthily heal without showing and take away the pain which is not easy for anyone to share with anyone. 

The world wears wonderful aura when friends existence , their very being on earth, in this world. The years may come and years may go but they remain in your life literally like a pole star and the light house that show the way just by being there where they are. It is the noblest of all relationships after the family ties and no wonder sometimes they even surpass the familial and other social relationships in depth and ability  to hold things together.

Friendship defies definitions. There is so much at the soul and intuitive level that friendships transcend the tides of space and time in fractions of seconds. Friends are treasures to be cherished and above all handled with care, concern, lots of respect and sense of individual's un tresspssable  space and freedom. Its the lught that needs to be kept kindled with kindredness. 

On this special day, I bow my head in reverence and affection to all the friends who have been with me in my thick and thin, in weathers tough and rough and terrains difficult and seemingly unsurpassable. They are the life force that I have been blessed with, 'they are the light in my deepest, darkest hour and saviors when I fall'. 

Thank you, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart to all my friends for being there even when I have been difficult and a bit unbecoming myself in testing times and circumstances. 'But for you the Sun doesn't shine...'.

Happy friendship day!

Faith Amidst Fear And Despair

Over a hundred days have passed since the dreaded word Corona entered our lives and started dictating so many don't and do's we had hitherto not heard of nor cared for. It brought the very wheel of life to a screeching halt and the eerie silence prevailed. Everything we valued, cared for, had always lived with in normal parlance came to be stand still. Literally became the 'cruelest' month, breeding despair and fear, mixing apprehensions and desires..just that there was no 'stirring (of) dull roots with spring rain'. Unimaginable thud hit us hard and suddenly all things valuable, precious started to seem of little use, all relationships sort of put on hold, all aspirations to be or do this and that bore no meaning. Home became the only safe place to be. We witnessed suffering of horrendous kind when channel after channel showed hundreds of thousand people walking on foot bearing the brunt of scorching heat of May to a place called home. We were shaken and suddenly started loving all the more the four walls of our homes, our safe houses. All the things big and small which we had always thought could give us joy in familial or social way like eating outs or sojourn in lands distant became distant dreams and almost meaningless. We waited patiently for the wheel to turn and bring life back to normalcy, unlock our freedom to do and be. 

The wheel of life started moving with passage of time but everything about life has suddenly changed with no mood to turn back and be the same again. We wear masks 'to meet the faces that we meet' and look at all and all look at us as potential carriers of the dreaded virus!! Everything- a piece of paper, a door handle, the seat we sit on, the car we drive in or are driven in, the lifts we have to use-in short everything we use fills us with fear and is potential threat to our safety, security, health and danger to life itself! We have become prone to despair and vulnerable to an extent we could hardly ever imagine. 

We have tried to believe 'we shall overcome' and that this too will pass; we have wanted and desperately so to trust that we would not be hit by the dreaded virus and so relentlessly we have believed that 'tomorrow shall be better....'

The iconic figures' seizure by the Corona has further enhanced the fear despite their exhortations to us not to lose hope or fall in the pit of despair. Its the most difficult thing in the world to live with fear of one kind or the other. That's not the way of life for any of us. To be happy, jovial, normally living with sense of freedom and self dependence are our basic needs. Our faith is shaken but as Christian Bernard felt before the first heart transplant: 'from despair thoughts lead only to one direction- hope'. For sure, we are in dire need to inculcate hope, trust and yes, faith that we are strong, resilient and strong enough to pass this difficult test of time; for sure, we need to build on our strengths, count our blessings, be vigilant and extremely careful and guard ourselves against the negativity which is writ large everywhere and can engulf us if we let it happen to us. It is when things seem to fall apart that we need to be brave enough to hold on to the centre because it's we alone who can build again, move on, keep our morale high and face the travail of Time boldly without letting our confidence be shattered. The time is tough and we have to be tough to get going. 

'Let's go then you and I.....'

With Gratitude to All Gurus

Today is very auspicious and humbling day, the day of gratitude, thankfukness to all those who have played role in our lives as Gurus, taught us without sermonising, made us learn amicably and with empathy, created in us the zest for learning. 

I have been nostalgically and reveredly thinking of all those whom I owe whatever I have learnt through sanskaras, education, as under trainee, as subordinate officer and above all as recepient of whatever they could impart unto me. Its not an easy walk down the memory lane as it has been moistening my eyes, causing choking in the throat and making my head bow in respect and gratefulness. But for all those noble souls, parents, teachers, mentors and friends, officers in high echelons, I would not have learnt the lessons of life.

Parents taught by precept humility, importance of hard work, how to keep grace and dignity intact in struggle for survival and above all the need to let go and leave it to Alnighty the result of efforts. It was not just a few shlokas of Bhagwadgita or prayers of both Sanatan Dharma and Arya Samaj, it was the training to be independent and self reliant through education that they lay so much stress on to enable all seven daughters do and be what they themselves wished and aspired for. With great pride and humility, I feel blessed to have been the part of Pitaji and Ma's family. Not only that both of them led us from front, their elder daughters became beacon bearers for the younger ones. Neelam di was mentor for all of us and Mridu di trained us in basic manners and social behaviour. My salutations to them all.

What a blessedness it is to have been taught by teachers like Jamuna Behanji in Arya Putri Pathshala, Abohar and Mrs Satish Jasuja and Meenakshi didi, Madam Usha Kiran in Gopichand Arya Mahila College, Abohar or Dr DD Jyoti, Dr DK Saxena and Dr( Mrs) Pushpinder Syal in Dept of English, Panjab University, Chandigarh. Madam Pushpinder Syal not only made personal efforts to teach me Literary Criticism but also mentored me in Reiki which I got trained in further levels by Dr Hemant. I feel so grateful to God that He bestowed such kripa on me. 

At varied points of time so many awakened souls have guided me to sail through the tough terrains of life. Gurus are givers like the Sun that shines, brings and shows light of hope when the darkness envelops and despair sets in. Feel blessed to have been mentored by Acharya Mahamandleshwar Swami Avdheshanandji and Gita Maneeshi Swami Giananandji, Avdhoot Ababa Shuvanandji whose blessings are numerous and my gratitude ever scant in expression. 

My friends have always been my guide and guardian too ( even if they are younger to me in age!) From some I learnt the hard way but most of them have shown me how love and affection and respect can be the harbinger of peace of mind. They have valued me and borne with me despite all my whim wham and oddities of behavior and moods and work alcoholism. I feel richie rich and bow before their fortitude and patience to be with me even today when the age is waning and I continue to remain a difficult person to cope with, according to my own self perception. It is their own greatness and ability to guide that I feel their being with me as blessedness exquisite. Thanks is such a small word indeed.

In a Guru disciple relationship ,its the receptivity of the shishya which matters alongwith the feel of surrender one feels for the person from whom we learn. There may come times when we see the 'greatness flicker' but more important is what we have learnt and how much we have imbibed. We all have human follies and frailties but what we value as receivers enables us carve the path that our life takes. I feel it's very important to both forget and forgive and move on keeping intact the good and the positive as learnings. It's hard to imagine our life without the parents, teachers and mentors. But for them the Sun would not shine on us.

Salutations to Gurutatva that you all abound in. 

The Impending Retirement

Almost a year ago when I got the letter to send the pension case, it was like being caught unawares. I was really not prepared for this rude shock though the certainty of attaining superannuation is not something one can ever deny. Only yesterday I got my National Pension Card like affirmation of the impending D day!! 

Retirement for most of us is perhaps a taboo word. We 'know and donot know' type of thing. For anyone having spent almost four decades in 'naukri' ,the 'chaakri' gets imbued in veins. Coupled with workaholism, it is hard to shrug off the very thought of reitirement with a gentle smile et al. It stares like the ghost ready to gulp us down or like a ďint of destiny which has to be accepted come what may. One of my colleagues used to say: 'we get attuned to ringing bells to call'. Many of us are likely to feel, well we are fit enough yet to put in ten more years and this retirement age must be extended. The preparations having set in, no denying the sleepless nights before the die is cast. Its like preparing to meet the fait accompli. 

All said and done, there are people who take it sportingly, plan their future course of action judiciously, are sure of what they are to do and how. Many also have the guts to take the VRS to do things they feel they are better capable of than just being a 'sarkari naukar'. And there are those bravehearts and daring people too who start eyeing an assignment post retirement and are bold enough to hit the nail on the head getting five years down the line and live happilly ever after.

'We look before and after and pine for what is not' is true for all to -be 'retirees and also the retired ones. It needs a lot of inner strength to accept life as it comes and also be happy with all the vagaries life brings in its sway. The grace and dignity of many many of retirees and the way they work hard to keep themselves up and doing is really awesome to watch. The regularity of routines, their dedication of services to ameliorate sufferings of many, their relentless efforts to improve upon the living environs, their selfless concern for the common man's day to day travails and efforts to lessen their hardships makes us feel proud of them. 

Retirement is a boon or a bane depends on an indiividual's own perspective. I have seen many a strong headed ones unable to take things in a stride and getting into pits of gloom and self pity and also fall prey to one ailment or the other post retirement. It is the most important landmark just as getting into the services is.

Retirement for sure is the reality which must make us feel gratitude for all the grace God has bestowed upon us to put in decades of our lives in the service- many are not fortunate even to get as many years of life itself. It is an occasion to celebrate the biggest blessing of being part of the services which only the fortunate few get to start and work upto the finishing line with grace and honour.

For sure we are always better substituted. And our work may or may not leave the 'footprints on the sands of time' but the very consolation of what we did was to the best of our ability is suffice to stand in good stead and enable us live 'with our heads held high and minds without fear'.

With Us You Dwell

As we grow in years, do we become more strong or weak is difficult to say. On certain counts, the grey mettle matters and we learn to take many many things in a stride , cool ly, maturely without reacting or atleast without voicing our reactions. On other counts, I feel we grow a bit more weak and vulnerable as time seems to slip through and our dependence grows on things and people we need support of. I feel the child in each one of us starts asserting again and we miss our parents more and more. 

Nine years ago on this day I lost my mother and thirty nine years (plus)ago had lost my father but I cannot remember a single day I have not thought of or missed them fondly, sometimes in hours of need indeed. Both of them taught us the lessons of life not by preaching but by precepts. Amidst days of penury and utter poverty, we saw in neither of them any complaint against destiny or God; even when the going was rough and tough, they stood their ground, uncompromising on principles and moral values and also stood by the dreams they nurtured for their children to grow in a world where they would get hordes of opportunities and make a dent with sheer hard work and commitment for the nation ; even when teaching seven daughters and provide each one of them the quality higher education in the highest seat of learning of the region i.e. Panjab University, Chandigarh was an undaunting challenge, they did not relent nor bent before anyone and managed the way -the how of which is, as on date, totally incomprehensible and unimaginable to me. Bit by bit all the ornaments of my mother had gone into our education but not a trace of pain anyone of us could feel on her face. On the contrary, it was always motivation, words of accolade for tiny achievments and exhortation to keep an eye on the future and never to rest on small laurels. 

They were made of sterner stuff, more humane, more kind, more broad in outlook, more deep in thinking, more intense in sensitivities. They both had common agenda to give all their daughters not just the best available education but also nurture in them the patriotism, the human kindness and the ability to empathise generously and never ever deviate from the path of righteousness and diligence. I miss them, miss their presence, their absence from near us feels like the void which can never be healed. But I also feel death cannot really do us part as their memories as well as the training they gave us enables us get answers whenever we are on the horns of dilemma or confront a ticklish choice. 

They were epitome of simplicity and grace, humility and boldness, patriotism and global outlook. Religion for neither of them was a bondage but a strength to be spiritual and above all serve as good human beings should. Throughout their life, they were always engaged in some kind of social and philanthropic activity deapite their financial constraints. Their endeavour was to serve whomsoever they could with their sweat and kindness, with fellowhood and solidarity. 

Their were strong pillars of strength who never let their dignity and self respect be shaken even amidst the most challenging times. Their richness was in standing their ground with unshaken humility and grace. The very fact that they made all out efforts to make all their daughters self reliant is amble testimony to their desire to see them 'move with their heads held high and minds without fear' and contribute their mite in nation building in whatever way the call of their duty exhorted.

Missing them with sadness or weakness is not something they would ever appreciate. It feels strong and supported even to remember them not just on the day special as today being Ma's 'Barsi' but in normal parlance, too we feel blessed to be their daughters and we understand that to be weak or vulnerable is easy but its unlike them, our esteemed Pitaji and Ma. We all love them and miss them while marching on in the direction of their dreams which are now our own aspirations.

THUS SPAKE JOZO

When I wake up these days, it is all blurred. I try to strain my eyes but I realise the catastrophe has befallen already. Have been feeling for quite a few days that everything is not all that good with me, I can not walk as fast nor run, my right foot trembles with my joint pain and I have become hard of hearing and I have to be shaken to convey whats expected of me.

They call me 'vridh' now, yes, I don't like it but I am referred to as 'bujurg', the senior most person of the house with my (human) age 80 years at my back. Its good that I am not able to listen to all these epithets as its difficult to gulp down the casually spoken simple truths at times,isn't it?

I am saggittarian and feel proud about this. They tell me I was short tempered since infanthood and always needed special attention. I ofcourse cannot recall what makes them 'judge' me thus but I do have fair idea that I have been freedom loving person nor I would interfere in anyone's issues nor I liked ( I still don't do) anyone meddling in my affairs- be it about my looks, height, beauty, hair, eyes etc etc. Being typical of my sun sign, I have so much loved the cosy comfort of my personal space which, for me is a non negotiable thing. Yes, I confess I have always loved attention, care, pampering ( Don't you, too?) and above all recognition and appreciation.

I have had my ups and downs in life that somehow I have never forgotten though I did forgive all for those traumas and tribulations I was put in when away from home. Those were real testing times for me. I never complained but that does not mean I never felt the pain of not being at home. But for my mentor who was also a friend in need and a friend indeed, I would not have survived that formidable phase. Once over, it took sometime to come to terms with the feel of being at home sweet home again and I vividly remeber inhaling deep breaths to reassure myself that it was too good to be true. I missed my friend in exile but then as they say, I was 'abundantly recompensed' . Sometimes, my mom asks me asto why do I not speak up whats on my mind but I feel if it's understood I don't need to say and if it's not to be understood whats the fun of telling. Life has been good, comfortable and most of the time I have had my way and everyone has respectfully accepted me as I am. But now I feel my health is failing me and I have to be taken so often to hospital where they prick me twice thrice and I cannot even cry much as it does not behove me but after that I feel good and energetic - good enough if pricks do that.

I do feel my mom is concerned about my health though she hardly ever tells me this. Recently when I suffered a stroke and I was taken out of station for intensive check up and surgery, I saw in my mom's eyes the despair and how I wanted to assure her I would come back safe and lo! I did. It was sheer good luck, they say that I got timely treated but I could not tell anyone that I too was scared of going away that day.

I am not sure what exactly is the reason though I do hear Corona word a lot these days but it feels good that mom is home most of the time and I feel at peace. My pace is slow but I do try to put a bold face and match her during the walk.

There is so much of sad tidings the TV is conveying whenever its switched on and honestly I have never appreciated this idiot box ever as it takes away attention from me to it.

But yes, I do so often think its good to feel healthy and positive as it enables me forget the pains that my ageing causes. I have never delved upon negatives and for me this present moment is all I have and if its beside my mom's, life feels cheerful, happy, worth it all. As long as I am on my feet and am hero of the house fully pampered, nothing bothers me, really. I am happy is all that matters to me now, at this moment because this moment is all that I have and all I need to have. 

All Time Soldiers

Over three decades that I have been in the services, my association with urban local bodies has been as long. Having led the Kurukshetra Development Board, Muncipal Council/ Corporation I have always felt awed by the kind of commitment that the lowest strata of work force, the safai karmis display in both peace and emergencies. For me, they are the people of my country with whom none would like to exchange the places or posts; for me they are the workforce that has proven its mettle beyond any shadow of doubt even in testing circumstances and challenging environs; for me they are the pivot around whom the whole system revolves and but for them everything would go haywire; yes, they are the corner stone of our social fabric whose value and worth is known only when the catastrophe befalls and they bear the brunt of putting things back to gear so that all our countrymen living in mohallas and localities, sectors and streets, slums and god forsaken places, roads and pathways can move with pride and safety.

There have been so many instances when I felt mesmerised by their consistency, zeal and enthusiasm to deliver and thus rising upto every occasion. Be it the social gatherings, political rallies, general cleaning and sweeping, garbage collection upto the dumping grounds amidst hazardous conditions or toiling to put flags or sprinkling roads and streets or stadias, they are silent horses at work who perform and none knows their names even. I have seen them work at unearthky hours of night or hot summers, or during downpours to save the areas from flooding and cleaning intensively in the aftermath of stagnant waters of rainy season; I have seen them ensure meticulous arrangements for the Republic Day or Independence day when all the participating children and elders go scot free after littering things, popcorn packs, chips empty packs and polythenes or papers, these soldiers clear them from all nooks and corners and the next day the places look as clean as if no irreponsible act had been done by the educated strata of our society. They are unsung heroes who remain hidden while the work they do is visible to all and sundry.

In this hour of crisis these all time soldiers of Nagar Nigam are contributing their mite everywhere- lifting garbage from the households, sweeping and cleaning roads and streets, sanitising all the areas and ensuring hygenic environs in public quarantine places, shelter homes for the migrant labour and doing their bit still more diligently in the containment areas. The peril to their life and health is immense. The personal protection equipments are there but their task is arduous, unenviable, risky and indeed challenging. They are the soldiers whose spirits are indomitable and high and their commitment to their employer institution indefatigable and sincere. I salute these warriors who are fighting the most gruesome war that our generation had not seen before. In shifts of night, wee hours of morning, late evenings and during the scorching heat of the day time, they work relentlessly to keep intact the whole health and hygiene system. My heart goes out to them because I see them working from close quarters day and night. A small thanks, a word of appreciation and motivation , a bit of recognition is suffice to keep the flame of enthusiasm burning for them.

But are we really sensitive to the truth of onerous task they are shouldering? Are we aware that their number is limited but the task they are doing is gigantic and huge? I feel pained when I receive complaints in tones intimidating and threatening from some irresponsible citizens and I pray: May we learn to boost the morale, to keep these soldiers spirits high, appreciate their ability to work in testing times and work conditions. 

I salute my Nigam force especially the safai karmis, the sanitising team, the spray and sweeping teams, their ASIs, Supervisors, the Chief Sanitary Inspector, the Spray team officers incharge, the garbage collector teams and persons on wheels for the purpose. The officers of all ranks have come together to join hands and help administration without caring for their rank or field. They have stood the test of time and with their sheer grit and guts, diligence and hard work, sincerity and commitment to deliver and perform makes me feel proud as part of the Nagar Nigam, Panchkula team. Our task is marching on and we shall overcome, we sincerely hope and trust.

The Corona of Negativity

Amidst situation as threatening as of now which directly affects each one of us, with hope of a better tomorrow yet to emerge from the despairing news worldwide, I am wondering who or what is going to save when all our gods have shut their doors to us, normal life is out of gear. While endeavouring preparedness for the management of impending disaster, we are feeling hopeless and hapless and praying for miracles while trying to do our own bit in whatever kind of way we feel encouraged or motivated.

My thoughts are running amuck and I am wondering if we have ever thought ..really ever seriously thought about the 'virus' of negativity rampant globally affecting locally our normal lives day in and day out. Much greater damage to human psyche is caused by anger, the hatred, the poisonous words, the violence vocal in words, attitudes, the mentality to blame-them-all-except-me, the judgemental statements in frenzy to malign without even caring to cross check. Above all, the 'virus' of negativity affects adversely the young and the old alike causing gloom, hopelessness, despair paving way for multi dimensional ailments -pressure on blood vessels, hitting the digestive system, causing blockages of veins of heart or nerves of brain or the vulnerable joints. The chaos and confusion, the hurt and pain that negativity causes hits hard the human psyche leading to depression and insomnia, guilt and fear. 

If only there were masks available to protect us from this 'virus' of negativity; or some disinfectants to 'sanitise' enabling NO ENTRY of this virus; or some toll free or helplines to send an SOS from this virus; or a management plan to counter effects of the disaster negativity brings, the catastrophe it causes; or some preventive 'medicine' to prepare us to comabat its onslaught; or 

some curative 'vaccine' or 'injection' to heal the wounds that negativity virus is capable of causing abundantly; or some 'curfew' to break the chain of damage from individual to family and friends to broader system we live in. Would a 'lock down' be ever possible ?

Wondering how shall we ever, if it comes to that, 'isolate' the neagtivity virus ridden individuals? Would a stamp on the hand a possibility and who would escape that stamp then? Can we segregate them with a nameplate : 'QURANTINED': 'DO NOT VISIT' or 'KEEP SAFE DISTANCE'?

Perhaps it would be much easier to take it the other way round and isolate the positive as those would be fewer and numbered. I wish positivity were an essential commodity to be mandatorily taken, protected and ensured supply under ambit of 'Essential Commodities Act' and negativity under Prohibitory Statues. 

The 'Wuhan' of this virus of negativity is in each of us crying for sanitisation and cure, for curbing further flow and check and stop it there and then-sooner than later.

Perhaps we are unable to realise the extent of damage that the ferocity of this 'virus' of negativity can do to ourselves, all around and above all to the country as a whole when 'the worst' having the passionate intensity can limp 'the best' by making them lack in conviction. 

Now, at this point of time when the threat to our lives is so real, when we are face to face with fear of death, of being wiped out, do we realise how much better can we do through positive affirmations and healing , compassion and kindness for not just our own human brethren, fellow beings but also for the stray animals- dogs and cattle, insects and birds, plants and trees. Are all the grudges and hurts we have nurtured over the years we have lived been worth it in contrxt of what we face today? Could we not be more forgiving and benevolent in forgetting rather than feeding bitterness and hatred both inside and outside? Do we not have ample capacity as 'givers' to bring sunshine to the downtrodden and the needy by parting with some portion of our own earnings and hordes of facilities and amenities available to us in abundance? Are we not really capable of being better human beings with sense of service and not-just-me-but-you-too?

The chain of this 'virus' of negativity has to be broken if we are to save ourselves first and then humanity at large. The intimidating and threatening terror of negativity has to be countered with pro-active courageous positivity. Howsoever minuscule the number of positive agents of total population may be- like the sanitatiin workers on job to sanitise the big city under voluntary curfew in safe domains of their houses, the process has to be afoot, on track to do whatever we can to clear the air, to bring hope amidst despair, to inculcate the necessity of understanding :yes we can fight and stop, too if only we all come together to realise the grave need to comabt the 'virus'. Yes, overcome we shall, we shall overcome -come what may.

The Women's Day 2020

The euphoria of Panipat Pinkathon on Women's day 2019 had not yet died down and 2020 dawned upon me in a place different, on a role changed. By the time this special day of women started drawing near, I floated the idea to the elite Rotarians of Panchkula to celebrate the day as tribute of gratitude to the women who mattered as professionals, house wives, teachers, journalists and so on and so forth. The idea clicked to them and I was keenly waiting for the day to attend the function so hosted by the menfolk for expression of their thankfulness to the women from maids to Madames. In a solemn and sensitively organised function woman after woman shared their journey as doctor, as sportsperson, as a housewife. It was very enlightening to hear speakers' lauding roles not just of their mothers but also mothers-in-law and vice versa- despite all the humbug we see day in and out on TV related to this relationship in dark demonic light ! How the role of a working woman demanded act of balancing both hearth of home and the work but that the work in itself was thereupatic and healing for them - simply the whole truth- evoked in me the spntaneous appreciation of such wonderful expression . Another woman speaker asked the women in audience to speak of their one achievment last year, this , I feel, must have been provocative for all to think. More than the awards they received, the women seemed to be unequivocally voicing how awarded they felt being a woman, the wish they cherish in their next lives too to be fulfilled.

Another event was 'Youme Khawateen Mushaira' organised by the Samanvya and Mind Veda NGOs. The aura of Urdu Academy Auditorium was mesmerising when a little girl Dhara's classical musical renderings accompanied by her brother Apaar's tabla reverberated the small audi with 'ash -ash' by all present.

The release of a book followed by poetic compositions of amaeture and mature poetesses was tribute unparelleled to the women and their male counterparts and on their roles as complementary human beings rather than competitive.

I was wondering that haven't we really come a long way from feminist movement of 1980s to clamouring of 21st century women who are empowered and empowering yet bear the brunt of having to prove their mettle being looked at eagle- eyedly by the unforgiving society for their lapses that they cannot afford to make. The 'struggle' and the 'strife' is still on but the male have proven beyond any shadow of doubt their supportive attitude towards educating and empowering women as fathers, brothers or husbands.

Its comforting to feel at the end of the day that its the men who have started taking lead in organising 'celebration' of Women's Day. The gesture bespeaks of their volunteerism in recognition and support as well as keen ear to what afterall the women want to give 'the voice' to. Long live this solidarity !!

La Familia

Be it the pinnacle of success or the dooming sense of failure or rejection, the glory of exaltation or the utter isolation amidst the 'dark unfathomed caves' of misery or grief, one thing stands apart and that is Family-solid, strong pillar of strength, rock like support, guiding like the 'Light House' and the 'Pole Star'. Literally it holds like the center when things fall apart. The grace of God Almighty, his pure and serend 'kripa' unfolds itself in the affection and protection of family. The seasons of mists and fog or dark thunderous clouds and rain, of sunshine and spring , of chilly cold winters and scorching heat may come and go and come but like an all weather friend, it stands always in good stead, embalming and caring, covering and eneveloping, saving and serving silently and surely.

The words are failing and choking when I think of my father whom I lost four decades and my mother nine years ago. What an epitome of grace and depth, purity and strength of character they were! Even amidst the sverest of penury and worldly hardships they stood strongly with us and behind us inspiring and motivating, encouraging and boosting, cheering snd energising, mentoring and guiding always to be humble and bold, strong and dignified; teaching by precept with their abundant forbearance and resilience that pain is never a valid reason to stop and one must go on, move ahead. My sisters, too have imbibed their spirit and looking back and at present objectively with 'drishta bhaav' I feel how very enriching this journey has been being part of the family !

We look up to spiritual Gurus and mentors for showing us the path to follow but with all humility and reveredness I feel Pitaji and Ma were the real gurus who put us on the way to gyan, bhakti and karma; they showed us by their own way of living how important it was to feel positive as an Indian and dedicate all our mite with blood, sweat and tears in building it, nurturing and serving it with mind without fear. They were the first and the most revered teachers who taught humanity, kindness, humane ness not just for neighbours and the kin but also for the bezubaan cattle, dogs, birds and even ants!

The family not only makes us feel safe, secured and cared, it also accepts us unquestioningly as we are; unconditional is its love. It is the greatest blessing to have a family and be a part of it, evolve amidst its aura and be grateful for all that it represents-goodness, positivity, affection and respect, the feel of divine grace and benevolence, pride in it and being proud of it.

Happy Basant

It's sad that no one's around to tell the Earth
Tell her just how much the Sun loves her.
( Amish Tripathi, Raavan,Enemey of Aryavrata)

Happened to read early in the morning (incidentally) today The Ballad of the Sun and the Earth from Raavan by Amish Tripathi. The messages of Happy Basant were already there on whatsapp and as I opened the door, the sunshine had such a warm, vibrant, smiling look as if cheekily muttering 'paala udant'! Juxtaposed to the intimidating thunderous rain the day before last evening, the Sun having been smittern much earlier than scheduled by the hovering dark clouds, today morning bore an altogether hopeful look and chill- less demeanour.

Spring is one such word which symbolises positivity, cheer, joy. It stands for a new beginning leaving behind anything and everything having negative connotation-autumn, cruel winter, dense fog, long nights, small days. It is revered all over the world and welcomed joyfully with kite flying, air baloons, tanning camps and exclusive joie de vivre.
In our country its arrival is marked by Ma Saraswati jayanti-the goddess of love, poetry, creativity, music and dance. Basant is considered an 'anpuchha muhurat'- the most auspicious day beyond any doubt.

Nature has in its coffers bounty of happiness ready to shower the same unto ourselves abundantly without any discrimination. Are we ready to accept as cheerfully and voluntarily the offers it makes? Do we have the zest to celebrate our very own festivals? How many of us value these small but meaningful cherishables to cook yellow sweet rice, wear yellow clothes, share with neighbours the sweet culinaries and fly the kites? Are we, the recepients of rich joyous traditions also going to leave behind for posterity the spirit to celebrate? Or is it waning as days wither us and we mutter: sannoo kee...what to us?

'Where are the songs of spring, ay where are they? (John Keats)

The White Beauty

Fog has always fascinated me since childhood. Walking to school and later biking to college during the thick of winter foggy days had so much charm about it. As an adolescent,the fog represented an enigma but also a strange kind of romance that invoked imagination and I loved to revel in its expanse, smoky uncertainty coupled with cool mistiness. It used to mesmerise the child in me and I vividly remember how with my arms spread and head skywards I expressed my joy enveloped by thick early morning fog.

During my tenure as CEO KDB ,the assignment I enjoyed for seven long summers and winters consecutively with office at Brahmsarover, I would straight go out to feel foggy vastness spread divinely over the the sacred water and on such occasions the zero visibility held a joyful charm undefinable minus any fear whatsoever.

Its only when I have undertaken journeys irresponsibly or due to some delay or the other reason have had to be on road that I have encountered the intimidating nature of fog, challenging movement and asserting heavy handedly , threateningly jeopardising peace and forcing prayers to be mumbled for safe arrival from wherever to wherever. Yes, am afraid to be on road during the fog. The lazy mornings still hold promise of the sunshine but the evening fog can be extremely dicey, uncertain and to say the least really really dangerous for travels.

The wonderful Sun can only for some days be forced to hide but when it shines, the joy impeccable can be felt 'along the heart and in the veins' especially when it follows a thick spell of daring fog. The sense of relief can be seen writ large on faces we encounter as ofcourse, there is no joy akin to the joy rendered by sunshine. True, 'the Sun is still in the sky and shining above' , but the white beauty which mesmerises with its cold opaque presence has its music too-indescribable- enchanting at times, at times solemn, quaint music that makes us sing and dance despite the trsnsitory nature of its very being.

No Blog Post It Is

I have been searching for it for long. All nooks and corners of the places I have been to, resided in are witness to my this search. I looked for it during all the travels I undertook official or personal as it generally met me during the journeys. Much have I tried to find it in papers, scribbles, missives old and new but in vain. The creations I came across gave me a real good hope that these would definitely pave for my meeting with my long lost friend but of no avail. The seasons of all hues have passed by giving me hope sometimes, sometimes despair regarding the encounter I aspired for but the misty breeze of monsoons nor the fall of autumn nor the furious rages of winters have made the hope be realised. But I am quite persistent albeit minus mostly the patience but this time I have been keen to get to meet it come what may as I cannot have lost the precious one with whom the ties were nurtured with pain and passion, with love and care, with sweat and blood, with intensity and sensitivity, with kindness and possessiveness.

There were times when a good pen or a plain white paper were suffice to beckon it. There were times when even in midst of the night it could wake me rightfully amd force me to be with it and indulge in its whims and fancies. There were times when a whiff of fresh air could soak the parched throat and I could sing with full throated ease a duet with it. There were times when a gentle compliment or a voice of sincere appreciation could make me ga ga all over again and I could dance with it romantically looking into its eyes with my hand in hers. Yes, there were times I could cry with my head on its shoulder and its silent patience washed it all-the agonies and tribulations, sorrow and hurt.

I have missed it all these days that it has been away from me. Missed its care and concern for my being, missed its caress and hugs, missed its protection and prodding to come out, breathe in open fully and exhale completely.

My mentors and friends have asked me often asto how it was as they have connected me for long with it. Many a times I have been exhorted to make a focussed search for it and I felt it was nowhere outside. Like 'the presence' it was inside only sulking and lost, a bit hurt by my demeanour towards it as-if it didn't matter as the life does go on-normally whereas in days of the yore it had always enjoyed a prized place, adored and indeed cared for it always had been. There was not a day when I would not spend time with it, make her feel special by holding it lovingly and fondly indulge in its company and the rest of the world was secondary and it was the only thing that was the most precious and valuable, cherishable and the truest friend !!

Its not fair on my part to be casual and care-the-less when it comes to something that has been not just a friend in need but also a friend indeed. I am glad to share that I have found it and I would see to it that I donot make it leave me and I would handle it with care and affection it deserves, give it time and energy sometimes utmost exclusively and make it feel special the way it has always made me feel. I would never never never leave it I have promised to myself because without it I am incomplete, can be forlorn, lost and sunk. I shall atleast set my lands in order and redefine priorties. Having found my 'lekhni' back is indeed making me feel blessed like a chosen child of His.