The Extent of Insensitivity

We have often heard of extent of sensitivity, of care ,concern, affection, love‎. Juxtaposed to all good things which create good will and positivity, insensitivity of any kind or type breeds contempt, scorn disdain and disrespect. Perhaps every generation feels that present generation is not as sensitive as their predecessors. And this circle goes on unabated. I think it has something to do with being simple too. Our elders were more simple, straight forward, more compassionate and humane. The degree or proportion to which we are not able to match them in these traits tags us with that proportion of insensitivity. Or perhaps it does mean their ability to reach out, their circle of sympathy and affection was much wider than ours but the world today has shrunk, narrowed, become more individualistic and self oriented lacking in empathy which casts a shadow on it being sensitive.

Being not sensitive is okay, acceptable but being insensitive is not palpable. One may or may not be able to feel the sensitivity of the other person but the insensitivity speaks loudly, clearly, shockingly. Being rude does not always mean being insensitive but being insensitive is always rude, not acceptable.‎ Actually it bespeaks for itself, gets noticed more eloquently than words.Just as violence is not always openly expressed in words, deeds, actions, similarly, the insensitivity reaches the recepient to whom its voluntarily or involuntarily targetted: 'we are betrayed by whats is false within'. Like 'the most unkindest cut of all' (of Brutus to Juius Caesar), insensitivity hits the hardest from only those whose being there matters to us, from whom we tend to have some expectations, our aspirations are only from from the cared for lot. Rest of the world's insensitivity is taken as a matter ofcourse, routine, nothing unusual about it.


Given the marked demarcation of whose- sensitivity‎- matters- and- insensitivity-hurts- and -hits, in our heart of hearts we are also aware of the extent to which we can cope with. Thereby, what can be the 'last straw' is anybody's guess because thats to be decided only by the extent of patience and perseverance of the recipient.


In normal parlance, we come across insensitivity of the most common kinds- the ringing of mobile tones (sometimes extremely vulgar, too)‎ especially during the time of cremations or condolence meetings!! How can we be so ruthlessly unkind if we have the' feeling' to come all the way to condole a death? Day in and day out on whats app we see the messages of information regarding someone's departure from the world and I find it horrendous, atrocious and extremely appalling to read 'RIP'!! Its better not to react, keep silent than make the mockery of grief of someone's dear departed!!

Only a sensitive soul can fathom insensitivity‎. Some noble souls find it hard to believe that there are any bad people or that people with ill will too exist. Similarly, its not easy to' believe' there are people who do not have sensitivity for sensitivity and can be blatantly insensitive without meaning to be or do so. Demeanour of such people hurts only once but never thereafter. The most challenging is to accept what we deem as insensitive from the friends or people who we feel are sensitive but how they can afford to behave so insensitively is beyond acceptability and levels of tolerance however we tend to stretch those limits giving them margin after margin. Churned by these challenging experiences we grow-more often than not -the hard way. But one thing is sure i.e. our ability to forgive and pray and above all our ability to love wins even we are faced with insensitivity. Love enables us forgive and prayers absolve us ,free us of negativity caused by unbecoming behaviour of anyone and even if we donot possess the ability to forget, forgiveness heals and enables evolve ment of the culprit too from insensitivity to kindness. This is how the things fallen apart are built again.

The Dear Departed

Death diminishes. When it is the departure of a revered, dear parent or kin or sibling, it erodes, corrodes and wears away the inside of a being. It comes like the shutting of a door, closing with a rude thud. The blow as such is so strong and hits so hard that only the human being affected knows where its severe impact is felt and how the extinguishing of a flame which belongs to us inundates, suffocates, sinks, drowns.
As we grow in years, its an integral part of life to confront the hard reality of the dears departing but it is actually the grief or sorrow which makes us grow grey. The child in each one of us remains alive and kicking, bubbly and chirpy, spirited and joyful till the parents are alive. No amount of worldly, painful trials and tribulations, tests of patience and challenges unfathomable can hit us as hard as the departure of father or mother regardless of their age or health conditions. Nothing -absolutely nothing can solace or console or lessen the intensity or gravity of grief we undergo on loss of a parent. The catastrophe befalls us and we become like hapless, helpless and hopeless children with the whole world staring at us and demanding of us to get up, be and behave normal, go on to eat and drink and take on life as if nothing has happened. The void within, the vacuum like a whirlpool shakes and shocks, its intensity hollows us from within but as they say, the world goes on, life keeps moving on and we too cannot afford to stand still, grieve to our heart's content, cry our heart out and nevertheless there is something or the other which draws us back, exhorts us - sometimes for the worldly errands related to family or workplace and sometimes for the very survival of life which seems to be devoid of meaning and purpose when catastrophe as such befalls and seizes us.
The utter sense of loss annoys us, fills with angst and anxiety, makes us hurl that against God, fills us with bitterness against why-it-had-to -happen‎-to-us or we sulk and withdraw silently nurturing these feelings without caring to give vent in words spoken or written. As Dante says: 'I wailed not so of stone I grew within..'. The grief and stress of the dear departed makes us weak within, vulnerable and insecure and it takes time to come to terms with all the blessings of the world that we are still endowed with despite the terrible loss of a life close to us! Its the pain of transition which tests our nerves- transition from being pampered, loved, cared -for -like- a- child to the grown up independent individual without the protective shade of affection of parent(s). We inculcate strong sense of self centredness unable to appreciate law of nature, theory of karmas et al. All our spiritual upbringing and religious beliefs face the toughest test of Time in this process of growing through the hard way. The words choke us, others' bigger grief gives us little comfort, tears betray us and it becomes oh, so very lonesome!!
As Shelley puts it: 'many a green isles need must be in the deep deep sea of misery' , there is no way except to get going on with mundane chores of life, pressures of workplace, take care of family, kin, siblings and friends. The most crude, cruel, harsh and the most beautiful part of life is that it does not stop, goes on unabated and we too tend to fly and flow with its flow and current.
In exclusive moments of joy or pain the dear departed emerge, be with us and fill us with all memories sweet and sour, good or bad bringing tears well up or smiles spread. The truth is something within us dies with parent(s) and we are left with no choice except to cope with the gnawing sense of loss. Dom Morris wrote in My Son's Father: 'I can not forgive my father for half killing me by dying himself.' But somewhere, deep in our heart we do believe that they are watching us in what we are doing, the way we are performing as their children and they seem to bless us from the sky or the stars or the waves of the sea or the glimpse of the pious Ganges or the sanctum sanctorum of our inner selves.

May they be in peace always- wherever they dwell! Amen

Jozo

The tiny little Jozo came to my life more than twelve years ago. He was introduced to me by his mentor as a very possessive, short tempered smallest kid amongst the lot of eight. He was brought in a small basket with Pari and both looked awesome, so very cute snuggled together in cold winter. Gradually I realised his behaviour was always demanding and he would not let me fondle Pari and always asserted his presence silently seeking the touch of the palm on his forehead. A few months thereafter a month old Sharon, the german shepherd joined the lot but despite the spaniel cocker's size, Jozo had the audacity to dare sharon. Pari was submissive, more beautiful and soft spoken with all feminine qualities and graceful gait. Jozo remained the self proclaimed brat of the house till I was transferred to a place where I had neither the house nor the help to fend Jozo and Pari. The sensitive little pari couldn't take the separation in a stride and she succumbed to epileptic attack and left this world far too soon.
Jozo had to be in exile for seven years till the new year day of 2015 when I could take him to a decent livable accommodation with a help to enable him live respectfully. To my utter surprise, Jozo accepted the new environs quite easefully, uncomplainingly as perhaps he became the master of the house with no competition or challenge from anyone. I realised he had grown to be more insecure as he would definitely mind being taken away  as the workaholic  me was seen around lesser than he perhaps needed. His friendliness to all guests was exemplary. I remember vividly how he would not move an inch from under the settee I sat working for hours together with my team for official assignments at home perhaps fearing that unless he accepted the predicament, he might be forcefully sent out. Since then I have always found him following me to anywhere I moved in the house during  the sparse hours that I was home.
His entry to the sanctum sanctorum of the house was prohibited and he would always sit outside covering the entry to the room I performed Pooja in. Once I was a little upset with whatever and I cried while sitting in my sacred space and he could not hold himself and rushed to sit in my lap. It was such a touching gesture that I felt he just did not know how to wipe my tears but made an attempt to tell me he was there to share whatever was bothering me. Jozo is unable to take sportingly when I go to work in camp office in wee hours of night. He would force enter the room and make a space for himself under the table as if hiding himself even from me.
Jozo is actually not just a child (he is by any standard a senior citizen now!) but also a friend in need and a teacher who teaches without sermons. ‎He is perfect mentor personifying true and unconditional love. Like an elder one in the family he tries to show he cares in so many ways- in his pristine mood, he would lie down and seek touch of the feet; in his assertive self, he would jump on the sofa and sit like the master of the house; in his urge to motivate he would run while I walk (its another matter that he would want me to finish it asap and usher me inside the house); in his sulking mood, he would not like a n y o n e dare take him for a ride; in his humble  demeanour, he moves with his head lowered as if to prove his sense of obedience.
I shiver to think of his going away given the short span of life he can have as destined for the tribe. At the same time I also feel what if he were not there and how many many many joys I would have been deprived of that he has facilitated for me just by being there in my life.
I cannot thank God enough to bless me with such a kindred soul as Jozo

The Stress

Stress comes stealthily, furtively, secretly at times and grips surely, confident ally. From where it emerges and takes hold of the whole being-mind, body and soul -is generally  baffling and time consuming groping. No wonder that its take over is so strong that one feels at times devoid of desire, too to search for cause of its inception and initiation. All human species are prone to be affected by this malady regardless of caste, colour, creed, gender or age. Like scorpion tentacles Stress besieges, surrounds and encompasses and lays one weak, devoid of strength to speak, take command, express, or do things the way one does in normal parlance. From outer demeanour its not ascertain able but like termite it eats from within the positive of a being (albeit temporarily) and jeopardizes his/her ability to be, to behave and do things as per one's forte. So demonic is the impact of Stress that the good angel in an individual becomes limp, takes a back seat letting the Stress have its way in behaviour, work , rest or sleep pattern. It has the ability to empty, fill with negativity, close and shut silently but firmly! 

Stress sneaks out in many a forms like rude tone, loud tenor, sarcasm, insulting behaviour, anger, cries, moans and tears or at times silence deep, permeative and penetrative. Stress can never make but only mar things, it can never create but only destroy, it can never make one feel good but only bad, bad, bad. There is something like positive stress as prevalent in sports to excel the competitor but even that has the capacity to block the best in us from coming out and thwart victory and let down at the last and opportune moment. Sometimes I feel stress is like that line of  negativity which can in no way be lessened or made short except by drawing a bigger line of positivity which can make it dwarf, smaller, diminutive, powerless. 

Its very important to pause and ponder over what stresses and besieges our confidence and strength; its imperative to think and deliberate upon how best to guard ourselves against the causes and reasons which have ample power to stress and strain us; its a must to try to understand what, where, when, why and how stress is generated,  nurtured and whether we can see it coming from a distance or close proximity. Who are the people who cause stress, whose behaviour and what kind of attitude triggers set the ball rolling for Stress to take over us; its as important as to understand who are our friends and foes and whose energies inspire or demean us as to save ourselves before its too late. For sure prevention is better than cure! ‎

They say Time is a great healer but I feel stress is something which needs to be immediately addressed, taken by horns, dealt with firmly as it may swallow ‎the energies so vehemently that it can become difficult to get out of its cudgels. Sooner its handled and done away with, the better it is. The challenge that stress poses is serious. It threatens to engulf in such a way that the very sanity is put to stake and good energies are sapped leaving one unsure of how to do and what to do. If it is not handles timely, it can lead to what is abhorable-depression. The spiritual tools are many like meditation, chanting, healing at the pranic or aura level et al. But it is definitely more necessary to guard ourselves against it, our own positive energies should be channelised in such a manner that we are able to gauge this enemy's threat before it overpowers. Are we ever so ready and prepared is doubtful though. 

Stress demands action and response not reaction. The action may be in terms of activities of physical nature-cleaning (the wardrobe or house), writing, cooking( my God! This really a stress buster I realised so late!), playing a game, doing workouts and exercise ( dicey it is as it may further distress), playing with pets, walking ( not my cup of tea! ), ‎playing some instrument, listening to music( beware! It wud reveal your mood to everyone in the family!)and yes, breathing-inhaling, exhaling in open with eyes closed. The thin line lies between the inability to comrehend the root and the ability to analyse the situation and it is challenging to gain the latter and avert the former. 

I donot think there is any mortal who is 'deprived' of falling in the trap of stress or fortunate enough to overcome it as soon as it is encountered. But it is very important to know the Achilles' heel of  (this) enemy lest we  are defeated by it. It is so common and pervasive that we are at times prone to be treated as dustbins to others' stress and sure we have to be determined not to let this happen-come what may.

Stress has strong tendency to make us feel aloof, withdrawn,'alone alone all all alone‎/on a wide wide sea of misery'. This is the time when we need to get up and tell ourselves how precious we are, how very valued and a simple 'I love you' to oneself is suffice to bring back the energy to gather a smile and take the task of handling the stress head on! Humility doesn't mean we are weakling nor silence or non reaction means we are defeated. It is our primal duty to safeguard ourselves from feeling low and frail. It is  important  to be and also 'look' brave and bold and understand that this is going to pass. And sure it will. Amen.