A journey unto unknown

I was seized of the idea. It sounded so romantic. I was restless to see it through breathlessly waiting for sanction of my leave. 'Where would you be going' asked a friend. I blurted: Agyaatvaas. She said: 'Wow !! But where is it?'  And I fumbled with words as I had no cue-naturally. A senior colleague said humouredly: History is replete with evidence that onset of leave period is the most creative so whether I would mind mailing him my ideas on organising a workshop !! I was already feeling the hiccups. But smiling I slept albeit with my fingers crossed to start the next morning my journey unto the unknown fantasizing on how Pandavas must have felt when their agyaatvaas was to start. Their fear was so very genuine lest their being caught send them to 'Vanvas' of another twelve years' stint. The thick grey fog welcomed the day and inhaling all the wonderful uncertainty the fog offers, I set on my journey. The world is definitely too much with us and how carefully we remember to take along a blackberry or a tablet, chargers and sandals, water bottles and pen-  drives, medicines (oh ! Am ageing, my God!) Who dares to go unto oblivion? Who wants to go to a place unknown? Who can afford to be away from just-a call-away-zone? I remember going to a friend's place where network was scarce and oh! How many times I would go outside only to check a missed call or a message. And I would complain to my friend: out of sight, out of mind. How sad! Nobody bothers to call or message!  Once I had seen Shah Rukh Khan's Face-to-Face on BBC and he said he doesn't wear tinted glasses lest he missed seeing the recognition in his fans’ eyes-the recognition he had worked so hard to get! The sorry tales of actors, politicians, bureaucrats getting pangs of depression on retirement are quite common. But a holiday must be quite an enchanting, rejuvenating, enthusing experience.  In fact we are afraid of the uncertainties, apprehensions, doubts hence, we seek to reach out to the solid certain ground of a known, cool, settled-nature of a place. Having traversed half a century plus years’ journey, going in oblivion and to a place unknown may have in offing a lot of healing, quietness, solitude I love minus all its pensive and vacant feels. And who wouldn't let me be, after all, it’s my life, isn't it?

Khushi- on my 51st Birthday

उम्र

वर्षों के दरीचों

ख्वाबों की खिडकियों से

ठोस धर्तीले फर्शों पे

खामोश उड़ानी अर्शों पे

तलाशती रही

तुम्हे ही तो

ख़ुशी....



सवालों की भीड़ों से

गुज़र गुज़र

व्याकरणीय चिन्हों में

अटक अटक

सच और झूठ

के फलसफों में

उलझ उलझ

उम्र

सचमुच

तुम्हे ही तो

तलाशती रही,

ख़ुशी...

लफ़्ज़ों के ताने बानों में

भाव भरे अफसानों में

रिश्तों के किस्सों में

कविताओं के हिस्सों में

कथ्य-अकथ्य

रिसते से सुरों में

चुप. चुप चुप चुप

बहते, छुपते

अश्रुओं में

उम्र

तुम्हे ही तो

तलाशती रही,

ख़ुशी

आज उम्र के

पांच दशक बाद

त्यज्य हैं

सारी कोशिशें

पर मन है

चुरा लूं शब्दों को किसी के

और धीमे से

फुसफुसा दूं

कंही कोई सुन ना ले

कंही अपनी ही

ना लग जाए नज़र

और कह दूं,

जता दूं

चुपके से :

ख़ुशी,

'तेरे बिना जो उम्र बिताई बीत गई

अब इस उम्र का बाकी हिस्सा

तेरे नाम

तेरे नाम....'