Are you still carrying?

         Hmmm…it is difficult, tricky, hard, complex, intricate, nay beri difficult indeed jee to simply ‘let go’. How can we? How is it possible? Naaaa..this is really not sambhav, bhai. ‘jaane bhee do’ was possible when I was a thumb sucking, kanche playing child. Then it was easy not to carry a loss, a pain, a hurt beyond the sleep-full night. The heavy baggage of heartfelt pain could not be carried by lean, thin, tiny, little me (how hard to imagine that, my God!!). Memory card of a child consists of only a few bytes. It is easier for him to clear the cache (pronounce kaish) and this fifty year old me had not even known the meaning of this phrase till the other day when a friend used it in an sms.

I could never understand when somebody would use the word be-faltoo-a double negative. Now I do. It meant ‘By God, really faltoo’- clothes, utensils, bags, purses we hoard so fondly in our homes like wires in a bureaucrat’s office. We may have lost the ability to remember our phone number but our hyper-susceptible to painful impressions wali memory possesses card of thousand of GBs. In proportion to positives we carry so much of negatives that an imbalance is created and its like getting along the waves of the sea and then crying: ‘oh, am drenched!’. Year after year the expansion is taking place like our own flab.

       Not only this we also talk of loutna, going back in time again and again from what is, where we are, unable to accept things as they are. A reprimand from a mother would generally be: maine kaha than na? Driving at break neck speed and crossing a stupid-jumbled speed braker followed by a PWD B&R hoarding: You had been warned-aapko  soochit kar diya gaya tha. It lessens the pain or enhances is anybody’s guess.

      Carrying comes naturally to us. Letting go does not. We are making it booming business for so many to teach us how to take a deep breath in, release it, open the eyes and feel relaxed. Like zen Ekido we continue to ‘carry the girl’. It is painful to let go the I of a  you and I.  Naturally it is hard to feel and be like the people, the mob, the mass, the crowd that forgets, does not remember despite having its best sucked out and wasted. But to be fair to ourselves, we do forget too or else how shall we sing a love song in a strange land when we have been through the stage when everything but death comes. We carry fire in the heart and go on.