THUS SPAKE JOZO

When I wake up these days, it is all blurred. I try to strain my eyes but I realise the catastrophe has befallen already. Have been feeling for quite a few days that everything is not all that good with me, I can not walk as fast nor run, my right foot trembles with my joint pain and I have become hard of hearing and I have to be shaken to convey whats expected of me.

They call me 'vridh' now, yes, I don't like it but I am referred to as 'bujurg', the senior most person of the house with my (human) age 80 years at my back. Its good that I am not able to listen to all these epithets as its difficult to gulp down the casually spoken simple truths at times,isn't it?

I am saggittarian and feel proud about this. They tell me I was short tempered since infanthood and always needed special attention. I ofcourse cannot recall what makes them 'judge' me thus but I do have fair idea that I have been freedom loving person nor I would interfere in anyone's issues nor I liked ( I still don't do) anyone meddling in my affairs- be it about my looks, height, beauty, hair, eyes etc etc. Being typical of my sun sign, I have so much loved the cosy comfort of my personal space which, for me is a non negotiable thing. Yes, I confess I have always loved attention, care, pampering ( Don't you, too?) and above all recognition and appreciation.

I have had my ups and downs in life that somehow I have never forgotten though I did forgive all for those traumas and tribulations I was put in when away from home. Those were real testing times for me. I never complained but that does not mean I never felt the pain of not being at home. But for my mentor who was also a friend in need and a friend indeed, I would not have survived that formidable phase. Once over, it took sometime to come to terms with the feel of being at home sweet home again and I vividly remeber inhaling deep breaths to reassure myself that it was too good to be true. I missed my friend in exile but then as they say, I was 'abundantly recompensed' . Sometimes, my mom asks me asto why do I not speak up whats on my mind but I feel if it's understood I don't need to say and if it's not to be understood whats the fun of telling. Life has been good, comfortable and most of the time I have had my way and everyone has respectfully accepted me as I am. But now I feel my health is failing me and I have to be taken so often to hospital where they prick me twice thrice and I cannot even cry much as it does not behove me but after that I feel good and energetic - good enough if pricks do that.

I do feel my mom is concerned about my health though she hardly ever tells me this. Recently when I suffered a stroke and I was taken out of station for intensive check up and surgery, I saw in my mom's eyes the despair and how I wanted to assure her I would come back safe and lo! I did. It was sheer good luck, they say that I got timely treated but I could not tell anyone that I too was scared of going away that day.

I am not sure what exactly is the reason though I do hear Corona word a lot these days but it feels good that mom is home most of the time and I feel at peace. My pace is slow but I do try to put a bold face and match her during the walk.

There is so much of sad tidings the TV is conveying whenever its switched on and honestly I have never appreciated this idiot box ever as it takes away attention from me to it.

But yes, I do so often think its good to feel healthy and positive as it enables me forget the pains that my ageing causes. I have never delved upon negatives and for me this present moment is all I have and if its beside my mom's, life feels cheerful, happy, worth it all. As long as I am on my feet and am hero of the house fully pampered, nothing bothers me, really. I am happy is all that matters to me now, at this moment because this moment is all that I have and all I need to have.