The Dear Departed

Death diminishes. When it is the departure of a revered, dear parent or kin or sibling, it erodes, corrodes and wears away the inside of a being. It comes like the shutting of a door, closing with a rude thud. The blow as such is so strong and hits so hard that only the human being affected knows where its severe impact is felt and how the extinguishing of a flame which belongs to us inundates, suffocates, sinks, drowns.
As we grow in years, its an integral part of life to confront the hard reality of the dears departing but it is actually the grief or sorrow which makes us grow grey. The child in each one of us remains alive and kicking, bubbly and chirpy, spirited and joyful till the parents are alive. No amount of worldly, painful trials and tribulations, tests of patience and challenges unfathomable can hit us as hard as the departure of father or mother regardless of their age or health conditions. Nothing -absolutely nothing can solace or console or lessen the intensity or gravity of grief we undergo on loss of a parent. The catastrophe befalls us and we become like hapless, helpless and hopeless children with the whole world staring at us and demanding of us to get up, be and behave normal, go on to eat and drink and take on life as if nothing has happened. The void within, the vacuum like a whirlpool shakes and shocks, its intensity hollows us from within but as they say, the world goes on, life keeps moving on and we too cannot afford to stand still, grieve to our heart's content, cry our heart out and nevertheless there is something or the other which draws us back, exhorts us - sometimes for the worldly errands related to family or workplace and sometimes for the very survival of life which seems to be devoid of meaning and purpose when catastrophe as such befalls and seizes us.
The utter sense of loss annoys us, fills with angst and anxiety, makes us hurl that against God, fills us with bitterness against why-it-had-to -happen‎-to-us or we sulk and withdraw silently nurturing these feelings without caring to give vent in words spoken or written. As Dante says: 'I wailed not so of stone I grew within..'. The grief and stress of the dear departed makes us weak within, vulnerable and insecure and it takes time to come to terms with all the blessings of the world that we are still endowed with despite the terrible loss of a life close to us! Its the pain of transition which tests our nerves- transition from being pampered, loved, cared -for -like- a- child to the grown up independent individual without the protective shade of affection of parent(s). We inculcate strong sense of self centredness unable to appreciate law of nature, theory of karmas et al. All our spiritual upbringing and religious beliefs face the toughest test of Time in this process of growing through the hard way. The words choke us, others' bigger grief gives us little comfort, tears betray us and it becomes oh, so very lonesome!!
As Shelley puts it: 'many a green isles need must be in the deep deep sea of misery' , there is no way except to get going on with mundane chores of life, pressures of workplace, take care of family, kin, siblings and friends. The most crude, cruel, harsh and the most beautiful part of life is that it does not stop, goes on unabated and we too tend to fly and flow with its flow and current.
In exclusive moments of joy or pain the dear departed emerge, be with us and fill us with all memories sweet and sour, good or bad bringing tears well up or smiles spread. The truth is something within us dies with parent(s) and we are left with no choice except to cope with the gnawing sense of loss. Dom Morris wrote in My Son's Father: 'I can not forgive my father for half killing me by dying himself.' But somewhere, deep in our heart we do believe that they are watching us in what we are doing, the way we are performing as their children and they seem to bless us from the sky or the stars or the waves of the sea or the glimpse of the pious Ganges or the sanctum sanctorum of our inner selves.

May they be in peace always- wherever they dwell! Amen