Neelam Di

Neelam di, the eldest among we, seven proud daughters of our parents , had many firsts to her credit. My parents had resolved that they won't have children till india got independence and she was the first born in July, 1948; ' chhatie raat'- the auspicious ' naamkaran' ceremony which is associated with son's birth was celebrated for her; she was the first girl to be sent to newly opened DAV College, Abohar (PB) despite resistance by society; first to become Pitaji's 'Professor puttar'-the tradition followed by all her sisters; first to get into the IAS in Abohar region; the first to get family a fridge and a fiat car 

She was the pivot around whom revolved lives of all of us. Neelam Di was Pitaji's cuckoo bird in whom lay his 'jaan'. All of us, her younger sisters vied with each other as to who was her best admirer and Archana was deemed her biggest fan (72 inches). She was embodiment of sensitivity, delicacy and grace who was looked up to by all our maternal and paternal relations for guidance, resolving petty disputes and mentoring. I often wonder how she managed so much investment of time, patience, energy and money to keep the ties bound together in the Kataria clan. She was a class apart - a giver throughout her life- like Sun that spreads shine and takes back nothing. Her ability to love unconditionally made her the most loved person. She was a true friend in need who would go any extra mile to help. Beautiful, short statured Neelam Di stood taller than all with her uncanny ability to give give give. 

She was a strong personality with crystal clear views on subjects she shared with Pitaji. During one such discussion an argument arose, the difference of opinion asserted and the heated tone of my father hurt her paving way for a cold, terrifying silent spell in her short sojourn of two days at home. We as kids were wondering who would initiate a dialogue-cancerian(Neelam Di) or aries (Pitaji). She took the lead before leaving and what followed would remain in my memory till the last breath. My father hugged her and broke down murmuring : 'forgive me my darling daughter, forgive me'. And all were in tears.

She was voracious, avid Reader and a prolific writer whose pen wove magic of words in prose and poetry and missives she scribbled for mentoring her younger sisters. She wrote straight from the heart and what she wrote appealed straight to the heart. Her handwriting in both English and Hindi was so beautiful that I as a child used to touch it and feel the depth of beauty she sprinkled in language ambued in literature. Once she wrote to me: 'one has to be good and great not to nurse any 'katuta'(bitterness) -the exhortation like a touchstone has worked till date as a guiding force. She initiated me to writing by gifting me maiden diary when I was in class VI. I owe her gratitude for the first smart trousers, a chess board, a Parker pen, a Vivitar camera. She would bring her Murphy urphy transistor all the way from Delhi to Abohar to enable me listen to music I was so fond of. 

She was every bit our father's daughter- in temperament, aesthetic tastes, grace, humility, love for flowers especially roses, gait, penchant for literature, newspapers, impatience for anything casual or callous or lacking depth, adoration for the clan and passion for writing, idealism and unflinching patriotism, skill of oratory, taste for music, God fearing and respectful for all religions but unritualistic, spirit of celebration and making other feel special by the honour bestowed upon. Both died sooner than they should have. It has been nineteen years since she passed away on 29th June 1999 but not a day has lapsed when she has not been missed as her being had filled our lives with love, care, affection and protection. The void is irreparable. She was like the centre that holds things, relations from falling apart. Her going away from this world diminished each one of us separately and together as family. Since childhood I have lived with the desire to emulate her but I know I can never be like her. She was matchless personality and a human being par excellence.